baby shower!!

today, syuha and i went to tesco, hopng to find my favourite ice cream..peppermint with chocolate chip...sadly we didnt found itand yet we get something for newborn baby:

we really have so much fun picking presents for the baby...seriously..if i have my own..i'll have as much fun doing baby-stuff-shopping...i cant wait!!!

art of boredom

new semester had started..and to much free time = total boredom

this is what we did when we're bored:

a gazillion old post

scroll down, and u'll find a few post that i wrote a long time ago,,but hv only published it recently...

a treat at noodles

i receive my duit kut today..so, i decided to treat my two dongseng in nooodles..a lot to tell..lets just view the photo take..shall we?

syuha's cocktail

my hazelnut milk

rozan's ice blended

my dish

razanee's dish

me..tring to look cute..haha

Razanee, doing her cf photoshoot..

all in all..we spend a lot..haha..worth it i guess..

fAIRY gOD pARENTS

its monday and the clock already show 8 p.m., yet i havent touched my chemistry notes..owh no, how am i going to survive 2morrow..i hate myself for being oh-so-lazy...yet i'm glad that i have 2 friends who, how should i sy this..hmmm...best friend? no.. a lil bit different than that..*thoughtful*..and..AHA! there it is..the title of the post hee~

ok, have anyone watch the cartoon series airing in TV9, its from nickelodeon if i'm not mistaken..the title of that cartoon is FAIRY ODD PARENT or is it FAIRLY ODD PARENT? (what i'm sure is they messed up the real word, FAIRY GODPARENTS, but how messed up is the messed up title was, i dont know) it has the character of a boy with two winged self- a girl with pink hair, and a boy with green hair (i didnt know their name..MENTAL NOTE: i have to googled them afterward)oh for the time being let just say my two winged fairy is ANNA + AJIM..haha..they were both similar in many ways..one of it was how they make me feel really at ease with their presence and concern..sometimes other people concern and nagging really bothers me, but theirs' never did..it was ANNA at first who somehow had a hunch that i'm not studying and texted me to study! i response almost immediately..haha..next up AJIM's text, basically telling me to do the same and agreeing to study too while i myself study..gosh!i love them both already....

still, i have to apologize to both of them since i dont reallystudy that night..i have started to, really i do...but somehow, i felt asleep..*guilty*..but i promise i have ade it up with some vigorous studying/revising in the morning..hehe (the word vigorous used already indicate that i reall do study chemistry..hee~)

actually this post is for them and to tell my gratitude to both of them..i am really grateful to hv u both!! HEART BOTH ANNA + AJIM..

ookayyy, i better start revising again..hehe..

BAD DAY!! NAPUN.NAPUN.NAPUN *sigh*

right now i am in myFC waiting for my order to come...i must tell, today i've had the baddest day in my historical life ( abit too much wasnt it?) Seriously..., i dont know how this day will end.. i do hope there are no more bad suprises awaiting..lets start from the morning..I woke up late today..wayyy past Subuh prayer and also, i didnt recite MATHURAT today (maybe thats the reason of my bad luck to day)

~and oh..my order is here..i'll continue later~
i'm already at home...safe and sound..so lets continue...later that morning, syuha rozan and me..(the usual trio) were going for a picnic at waterfall!! ok theres no bad thing about dat, or so it seems..and here are some picture taken:
and then, unexpected happen...SPLASH!.. great..my phone (which was actually not mine..its syuha's.-long story) and now its screen is doing that blurring thingy..i am so dead! and the story goes...we came back to farabi after dropping rozan off at the bus station and we ( me and syuha) had some relaxing time in cc..hehe..as always..then, i went back to my room..after some serious showering and praying, i decided to get ready to go back to langkawi..thats when i realize i've lost the 'duit kut' huhu..and i searched and searched and searched until i come to notice! i'm already late..i jz have about enough time to rush to kuala kedah and ctch the 5.30 p.m ferry..so, i rush and trush and rush some more..i found some uneaten cake which then i brought to syuha's room..well i have some serious confessing to do..i hv to bring something to soften her..anyway after some explaining and confessing -with a rushed condition..i finally apologize and tell her i have to leave now...syuha told me to drive carefully and do not speed..how can i not speed whn i am in a rush? its already 5 p.m...then i hurriedly went to my car when suddenly felt some itching in my ears...just great! now i have ant vandalizing my auditory tract..afraid of serious affected concentration during my drive..i went back to syuha's room and asked her to help me put some water into my ear..after about 5 minute, i'm sure that the ant wasnt there anymore..i hurriedly wear my scarf and barely walk down the stairs.. i basically jumped and run to the car, and all the while, people were staring..why should i care.. i am already so late...its already 5:10 p.m..and i drove as fast as i could and i arrived in pngklan polis marin kul.kdah at 5:25 p.m..i'm amazing right? absolute F1 racer..haha..next step, i hv to be in jetty in only 5 minutes..uh oh, i hv no other choice but the shortcut..the dangerous short cut..even the oficer in charge were worried to let me go through with the shortcut as it involved climbing over a gate..going through some seriously full-of-holes-bridge and really not suitable for sumone wearing jubah and tudung labuh..and the weird expression that the officer were wearing while i handed the car keys to him were also bothering me...but..i'll saved it for later..at the time being i have some spidey work to do...after jumping and dodging hole at the dreadful bridge with some serious heavy suitcase in my hand, i met 2 pak cik who absolutely wear that weird expression and amazed look on their faces..haha..some girls with flowy jubah and tudung labuh was doing some serious acrobatic move..that were really some sight! hehe..at last, i arrived at jetty at exactly 5:28..again i was ruching when i caught a glimpse of my reflection at the nearby car..and guess what? i wore my tudung inside out! well that's explained the weided expression..haha..i kept chanting to myelf..this is trend, this is trend as i didnt have time to change it, i have to confirm my ticket first..haha..i have to suffer more time of humiliation..whatever..i dont really care..then, i saw it! the ferry was scheduled at 5:45 p.m..arghh...i have been rushing for nothing! but i calmed myseld and tell myself, its okay..this mean, i have ample time to solat asar..and i really thought that was the end of my bad luck..after praying..i left surau at about 5:40 and since i hv another 5 minutes i bought canned drink and i used he change to call my mother telling her i'm in 5:45 ferry (my phone is dead, so i hv to call her by payphone) and the ferry left me..its still early and the ferry have left! i am so frustrated..seriously...so i have to take the 7 p.m ferry..GREAT! just GREAT! now i have a lot of time..really i was rushing for NOTHING..out of frustration, i went out to find some food, which i ended up in myFC..this also i considered as bad luck bcoa i've used my last rm20 which i allocate for second hand novel...*sigh* thats the story of my baddest day!!

i'm so not jealous...urmmm..but i think i am..urmm..wait! it didnt count as jealousy..but still...ugh...i am confused already...

ok, i know that the title was obviously should not be the title as it already violate the supposedly length of a title as stated in the writing ettiquette ( i do wonder if such thing really exists but for the sake of this post lets just assume it doesnt exist or should it be that it exists?) yet, whatever..i justwrote the fist thing that came into my mind and seriously, this is not a real life situation..WAIT! maybe it is..but it doesnt necessarily literally means that..yet still..(okay, i'm confusednagain. so before i started withe the never-ending-battle-of-what-is-and-what-isnt with myself, lets get on with it already)

WARNING!!(or should it be DISCLAIMER):
This post doesnt really connect to anyone, its just an errant thought i have while studying chemistry at a really EARLY hours in the morning (haha..i said early, i really mean it as in 3 a.m early)

well here goes....

Actually i'm used to having a boyfriend or at least a guy that totally into me who doesnt usually do normal conversation with other girls which i mean, he usually dont do normal conversation with girls other than me..(normal : conversation along with humour, inquiry, caring and all that stuff) since before, i dont really have any real really close girlfriend (except for syates and some other friends of course and why is that, i also didnt know) this thing hadn't bothered me even once. I guess, most of us are familiar with the mentality that ur boyfriend (bf) have to please ur girlfriend as well as he pleases u. And this is what i thought, wouldnt he be doing things to please ur bgff would make ur bgff falls for him, and it only the matters of time that ur bf will suddenly have an epiphany and realise that he actually likes ur bgff instead of u, and then this is when self-sacrificing came into the picture, when u know ur bgff and bf loves each other so very badly and they put up the pretence of not loving each other just so not to hurt you, but u find out anyway and u decide to back off and not be the third person anymore..since when did u become the third person??? i know , i do sound pessimist.well forgive me as this come from a girl who barely have had a bgff..
well i do myself encounter some similar situation, but its not really my bgff that he was dumping me for, it was his bgff, so i guess that doent really count..FINE!!!but there's always story, movie, drama or soap opera featuring this kind of story where the bf ends up with the bgff, it turns out that the bgff were the heroine of the show, could really life be so unfair????? ( i know, i'm being emotional about small matter, but this is my blog, my teritory, so, i get to say what i wanted..haha..deal with it..)

i do found some similar plot in a comic i've read recently(yeah, i read comic to, and easily influenced by it also)but thank fully the one who lose her bf to her bgff is the heroine and at last she met her own soulmate, at least it lessen my remorse..haha! so thats it, that's what i thought or at least a bit and chunks of it...i felt better after unloading it..HA! *exhale*

princess?

hmmm...i was in the midst of studying chemistry for tomorrow when i have this idea that i just have to write about..*beep* a text came, and the sender is nicknaming me princess..hmmm..so, i asked that person, why exactly does this person was thinking that make this person called me princess out of blue? and this person answers was:

Just feel like it..why? dont u?

and my answer, so obviously(considering my like-to-be-pampered @ manja attitude):

As weird as it may eem, yes, i do like it

what? what else would u expect coming from me..with all that "stuff" that i had been dealing recently, what with being forced into a role of mature sister full-time, i had a very few non-existence time of being spoiled childish person which exactly my full-time role once upon a time..i know actually it is all because of me..i, myself who wanted to act that way, mainly out of fear that this group of people who are around me now would now more about that spoiled me which is why i constrain myself from being too princess-y eventough i really like it.

yet, i do have my own time being spoiled but only with 2 of my favourite person in the whole wide world.ist being my father and 2nd being my bff (and oh! he is back on being my bff but it does fell a little bit off somewhere? maybe due to my blabber when i thought i've lost him, still, it does feel awkward sometime) This two person are whom i get to if i feel the need of being pamered and reassured. usually they would really make me feel so much better even if when i called (in ayah's case) he would laugh and laugh and laugh all through my tearful complaints..haha..seriously love u..heart u...

back to that princessy thingy..i actually have a thought of what could actually made it sound more delicious..hmmm..how about adding my in the front! haha.. i am really losing my mind, so i better stop before i make a fool out of myself...

new sweetheart

ookay i must say...i am down here in farabi's cc downloading the almost-final episode of dream high....haha..i know..i am supposed to be studying whats with having biology paper tomorrow, still i really cant stand it..i have to watch kim soo hyun...this drama is really making me crazy and squee like some frantic little girl...i really cant wait for the final episode next week...argh...its killing me..

here are some stills from this drama and mind you song sam dong is sooo mine....

There is lots more but i'm too lazy to upload it ere...hehe

i feel like blogging

hmmm...its been a while since i became an active writer...

inoe dat i dont write much but at least i do update sommetime...seriously now i feel a lot lighter than i had this past few days...

i can be my old self without sacrificing my new self..

and i can be my new self without sacrificing my old self...

still theres no difference actually between my new self and old self...

maybe a little in terms of maturity, recklessness and so on...

still i do feel hope..that i can make it through everything...

i love it that my life is a bit hectic now..

it gave me zero time to reminisce about my past and give me ample time enjoying my life..

the last months of my teen years....

before stepping to 20 something....yes! thats what i'll do...

btw, today i have class with sir firdaus...

ohhhh..how much i miss him..

not only me..my other classmates too..i just miss his fatherly nagging and all...

hehe..

and more, sumone told me today,

that i am sumone who is full of emotion...

highly motivated...easy to be pleased and all...hehe..

i do know that i am...

one thing i'd like to note here..bits from our conversation...

that person asked me: what criteria does u like about him (sumone from my past dat i do love)

my answer: he likes me

that person asked: really, what is it dat u like about him?

my answer: hmmmmm..(thinking..) he likes me...

that person asked: is that all? snangnye...(xtaw nk translate)

my answer: yes, that simple..i am simple..he likes me, so he makes me like him and when i like him l jz love everything about him and thats it..why do we have to make something that simple be so complicated?

yeah..i know what you're thinking..i am THAT easy to pleased...haha...

owkeyh..i guess thats it for today..my exam starts this sunday and i dont know f i can maintained last semester result*sigh*..whats with my laziness in studying..haha..

anyway, i have finished downloading 2 episodes of dream high...

so i guess..that'll be the end of my post....

till next time...daaa~~

i'm better

haha...

how childish do i sound?

i'm feeling better i guess..tonite i did some ym-ing with syates!!!

wawa..i miss her lots!!!!

after talking to her, now i realize there is 6 major thing bothering me..

1. ex
2. guys
3. lect
4. childish
5. study vs work
6. chance

thats it,,i'm feeling slightly better and lighter now...

i really loves her!! thank you Allah for sending her to help me tonite!

i feel awful

again today i feel awful

i'm the baddest person alive

i dont deserve to be here..

thanx ma sis..

YaY!!!
i've earned myself a sister..
its the best thingever..
Thanx!

i hate it

i hate myself..i'm used of being pampered at time like this..used to be called as princess but now i have to deal with everything on my own..its hard..really and sometimes i feel like quiting..but I really hope that HIM would never give something that i could not handle..seriously people, stop telling me to be hard, to be strong..i am strong enough..i want to be me..even if it means a childish, cry-baby, so be it..if u cant deal with it, then leave me alone..yes, i noe..i need to learn to ba more harsh..i cant be the same "lembut"..but that is me and how i was, am and will ever be..

i am dealing now..juggling everything that i have in my life..balancing everything and everyone...but i had enough..seriously..owh problems..could you please..please leave me alone for tonite..i need time...i need myself, my own self, my old self...just please...

being me is hard..but being someone else who everyone else thought was better is even harder...

this post is for a friend : Anna, its for you..

dearest Anna,

sincerely, i am sorry if i've hurt your feelings in any way. seriously, i'm new to building a frienship with agirl whom i never met. i havent actually graduated in ettiquette of having a girl as a friend. i as used to not really care about what others thought which may as well explains why i havent had a real girl friend..i am sorry for taking a really whatever attitude about your phone number. i really meant to ask, seriously but with everything that have been going in my life right now, which i'm sure u already know by now- it kept on sliding through my memory. i'm truly sorry. and i should have clarified to u what does he meant to me. i am sorry, and i am sure he treat me the way he is now, not because i am special. its jist i'm like his little sister. being sumone who had always been the youngest in every class i've been into since standard 5 really have shaped me to a spoiled, and childish girl. and now, for the very first time, in a class, i am the eldest among my classmates and its a little bit of culture shocked, now, i've been tring to act all matured and it doesnt suit me at all. it hurts all the way, and the only one i could talk to is him besides my family. i know that i could talk tou, but i barely know you and i apologize and really hope you would understand. for me and him to come to term of telling each other problems, it took a long time and a lot of patience and trust..seriously..i'm sorry again..seriously i want to be friend with u. but i am suck at maintaining a relationship through internet and phone..as u can see, i barely updated my blog and stats in fb..u could enquire on how him and me could last even through communication medium..seriously it took a long time..no jokes..i really hope u would understand..i am sorry for my oblivious-ness..can we still be friend?

yesterday i lost my bestfriend

This is a story about me and a friend of mine. our very first meeting was during a MARA interview. we clique d almost immediately. :) he was cool and relaxing and the one who calmed me down when i had a nervous attack even when it is as claer as glass that he was nervous too. :0 i hadnt been expecting that short meeting could really be a start to a long-lasting friendship. over the course of our friendship, i have only met him thrice including that day of MARA interview. knowing me, everyone could tell its not because of me this frienship could last long because of me cz i am not the one who were really into trying to maintain a quick introduction to a blooming friendship. its all thanks to him. he was the very first person in the whole wide world that i ym-ing with. he taught me how. he was there throughout ups and down since the interview. he was a friend who were not oblivious about me even though i decided to be shut off from my old friend. he was with me through every heartache, thanx to my love life, every headache cause by never ending problem, and stomachache because of too much crying :c over a bread.haha.overall, he is such a good friend. sumone who i am comfortable with. being with him make me somehow believe that a girl and a guy could really be JUST a very BESTFRIEND..he was the one whom i thought to call after pouring my heart out to the first man i would call, ayh. he was my safety harbour and who i can say , very patient in handling my temper, tantrums and tears.

still he cant be my friend now :~ , since he has to consider his number one priority. seriously, i am not the one who would give sumone up so easily, yet it was eay this time to give up my bFF just because i know how much he loves her, i really did not want to be the reason to a rocky relationship between him and her. i was just a good friend to him, i have always been and will forever be which is why i am asking her to understand, that there should be no reason for her to feel insecure because of me.

now, i have come to accept that, guy and a girl can never be just bestfriend without consequences. Just to make everything clear, I am SO NOT in love with him. yet, i do adore him. He was like a brother i wish i had but i never have. Nothing more than that. because ofthet, i am helping him, seeking understanding from her that i am so NOT after him. he loves you and only you..trust me on that..please.

testing 1 2 3

:@

:angel

:brow

xo

:h

okay..lets post!

something knocks me

actually, i've been blog-hopping (a thing that i did this past few weeks, every time i tried to write something in my blog), but usually i would not found anything that make me want to post something, yet today i found a post..it connected to me in such a way that i myself couldnt understand...how this girl really, truly try to get over sumthing or sumone should i say...she was what i thought as hard on herself, which i am so cowardly refused to do, but i get repeated heartache in return of my cowardice..still who could i fool? even now, i still get visits from that oh-so-familiar heartache, every now and then..

hmmmm....

i really did not know what to do..

or to be exact, i'm afraid to do the thing that should be done...

and why is that? im afraid that it'll hurt me...

but didnt i already hurt bad enough not doing anything?

argh~~~~~

how about, lts leave it at that.dont want to think about it anymore...

in another word...go on, do nothing..and let yourself hurt more!

serves u right..you COWARD!!

i'm tired..already...khe mane...khe man-aja..let stop it..

for tonite at least...i better get some rest...

closure with HIM maybe...HE would listen..i know..

let me feel calm after reading HIS love letter..

please let me be....

its raining

i'm feeling very down..i'm supposed to write bout something..pour my heart out..but i'm not really in the mood as what i thought already complicated getting more and more tangled leaving me completely wasted and tired..hmm..wish me a good night sleep so tomorrow i can be better..

you steal the glow from everyone else

now i cant properly see anyone

without having you in assisting

it would be unfair to see other personality in ur glow

yet theres nothing i could do

hmmmmmm.....

p/s: i've made my own breakfast today ^^

call?

its 0047 , im alone at home and i'm still not asleep..sitting in front of my acer aspire 4920 reliving the moment i made a new friend..anNa alanie..hehe..anyway, i am watching first wife club on ch 393 when my home phone rung...my first thought..is it my boyfriend? most unlikely cz i dont have one...but then i answered...yes, it was indeed my boyfriend..the one and only who had been faithful to me..thru ups and downs..who adore me with all his heart, calling to be sure i'm asleep..

kalau ayah balik, x tido lagi, ayah kacau sampai xboleh tidor sampai ke pagi..lab report 2 wat je esok

hehe...ao i need to really fast post this and shut everything off..i feel funny, cz usually we would get a wake up call..but me, i get a sleep call as well..haha...dats my boyfriend!! lamja chingu...saranghae~

today i swing, gazing to the sky, wishing i could be released from u..

i swing harder, hoping i am among the sky, still i'm hanging to the swing which is you..

i want to be free but what can i do?

should i just cut the rope that i'm hanging on so tight?

what if it bring me smack down to the earth..hurting even more..

its embarassing

really it is..why? try being me, a 19-year old girl..yet today's breakfast, ayah is the one who prepared it..huhu..yeah..i know..it should be me, but maybe ayah who already know about my lembab-ness doesnt want to waste time and take the cooking responbilities into his hand...so, to cover my embarassment, i try my best being effective in what i'm allowed and left to do which is cleaning up after ayah..hmm..but seriously. maybe because i'm so embarassed that my lembab-ness doesnt show at all..i did all the work effectively and efficiently and i'm proud of myself..haha..actually i need to get something straight..its not like i am lembab..its just i like to take my own sweet time doing stuff..is it really that bad? hmmphh...yeah, i guess..fine! i'll try to be more un-lembap..haha..thats alll i guess, better start doing my la report..till later..

chaotic

i'm all alone in my home, mom together with sis and bro are at selangor now...father has gone to work, so i'm all alone which is why i feel that my feelings are rather messed up and chaotic...why? i dont really have a definite answer for that...i've been trying to concentrate, repeating zikr to tranquil my ragging feeling, and it work, but sadly it doesnt last long...sometimes i do feel alone..so much alone...being a big sister is so much work...being hajar is such a burden....sometimes i want to be farah..back to old times..and if i'm being true to myself, there is a tiny bit of me wishing i could be ain...but reality check! i cant....what should i do to distract myself? goguma wont be out until this saturday, yet i need to wait for at least 2 days for it to be subbed, M3 also, its out yet none with eng subbed..so how?

new world. new classmate.

actually i'm in the middle of study week as next week my exams will be starting, but i'm so bored of studying (eventough i havent started anything on physics yet and physics paper is on this upcomic saturday, the day after tomorrow) thats why, i'm vandalizing my blog! getting rid of the dust that had been accumulating in here..i guess its not too late to introduce my classmates. its just i want to share a few pic of us..wawa..but the boys are not here..my class only have 4 boys..yeah, a bit boring! and honestly, theyre not yummy..haha..(dont tell anyone i said that!! i was joking..but still its the truth! *wink*)

and oh, from the last pic, i'm promoting a novel written by my teacher..puteraery, the reason i picked putrinia as my writing initials once upon a time ago..i kinda have a crush on him, back in time i was so childish..wawa..thats all..anyway, wish me luck..pray for my success..

pic of me, my two little dongseng from our trip

my fav photo of us..2 be honest, i've never once put any pic as a wallpaper in my z601i, i always go with the wallpaper provided by the theme i used, but this one is the first pic that is able to be the wallpaper of my z601i, cz i jz heart this pic! domo domo dom0 kiyowo!!!

shuha (baca: 2dung putih) dan rozan (baca: 2dung biru)

rozan byk sgt karenah..mmg nk kena nie!!!

3 gadis ayu..chiiwah!!

promote keindahan pntai tngkorak!!

mama n rozan..nmpak cm mother daughter x? (so jealous (T.T)

saye..show off topi baru eli..hik2

at last...

sorry for all,,,its been a long time since i last updated my blog...i was busy nursing my broken heart..haha..doesnt it sound emo? well it surely is..someone dear to me once said, u would never heal from a wound until u get pass ur ego and really admit how badly u were hurt by that wound and eventually try to get it over with..so up till now, this is the only time i had the courage to really admit it..yes! i was badly hurt. really2 bad. i cant even lie to myself that i was ok. yes, i do make myself busy so that i'm not bothered by it but somehow, my body still sense the tension i was feeling. that explains how i got real sick twice in two months time..father was really worried for me..but dont weri apa, i'm doing okay now. i hope so. how come i got the courage now, well actually it was from that time in a beach. i went there with mama, kosar and his friends, and also two of my closest friend or should i say "little sisters", rozan and shuha. i'm not used to have girlfriends, and i do know now why, but it seems fun and really comforting being in their presence. they were cute and really adorable. chincha2.. i wrote his name and how i felt about him on the sand, hoping the wave would wash them away, after wroting i waited for the wave to wash them away and praying if it would washed away and gone its a sign that i'm capable of forgetting him, so iwaited, and waited the wave did come but somehow it didnt touches his name.. it was like his name was invicible and permanently etched.. i still wait..i'm getting nervous and after waiting bout 20 minutes, the savior wave did came and wash him away..phew!! at last...goodbye, though i know t's still hard, he is still there untouched in my memory, still it was a releif to actually let him go, and can be happy for him and expecting that he get the best for him...so, now, i need to move on and try to adjust myself to my new world..alone as it is..Hey! i'm not really alone, i still have my ma and pa, my brothers and sisters and also my little dong seng..bot of them..i love all of u now! always and forever. lets just keep him as a memory. the sweetes memory of my teenage life..goodbye for now and thank you....saranghaeyo...

my first blood donation

ookayh, eventough it doesnt count much as a blood donation but still i insist that it is a blood donation. after being rejected from donating blood before, i never getting to know why? a long time ago, when i generously wanted to donate blood just to be rejected because i have a very low blood pressure. sometimes i cant stop from feeling amused as everytime i get a blood pressure test, the doctor or nurse operating the machine used to detect blood pressure; will look at me with a very obvious confused face and they would probably asked me.."Do u feel faint?" " uhmmm... NO, why?" " with this blood pressure of yours, u should be fainting" haha was all that i could managed as aresponse..but whats even funnier, i have never ever in my life faint before...but here i am walking around with a blood pressure which could on;ly mean i should collapse..and now i know why i cant donate blood.. for our latest bio experiment, we need to find out the appearance of rbc in hyper, iso or hypo -tonic solution.. we have 6 test tube, each test tube needed at least 3 drop. to get even one drop was so very hard, and i ended up getting all 6 of my fingers getting pricked only to have a drop for each test tube.. mind you my fingers was swollen right after that. despite having donated only about 6 drops of my blood, i am pale as sheet and for the first time in my life i feel faint..but thank god i didnt faint there and then..i can be counted as strong, cant i...haha..as the result, i have a high fever and major coughing wit loss of voice the next day..so much of being strong..i am getting weaker, for the past 2 month, this was the third time i'm having fever, how could a body grew weaker as time pass. i havent reached my twenties yet. how could my immune system be so low..maybe i need to eat more supplement! haha, like i could be consistent eating it...hmmm...lets not think about it just yet..shall we?

OK!!

new obsession...

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

hehe...shhh......

browsing through my phone today, i came across a message,

Jika timbul kesedaran untuk meninggalkan cinta seorang lelaki, itu bermakna Allah mahu mengambil kita kembali untuk dijaganya

this make me think of something. what if the love from a man decide to leave us, does that mean Allah is giving us a choice of turning back to him for comfort or another man. if i were to choose now, i would choose Allah since His love was so great that u wouldnt feel deprived even if u have to share it. but if its me from before do the deciding, i would no doubt turn to other man for comfort. what a complete fool i am before. but now i know whats in store for me, aftr leaving kms and i'm glad i'm becoming a better person. i am not exactly perfect yet. ther's still time i would prefer doing lagha stuff instead of zikrullah, my playlists are still full with song which has no whatsoever connection to praising Allah, but i'm still trying to change..and permanent changes need time, but most important of all doa' ask Allah to help on improving, being a much better person, InsyaAllah, He will help you. providing ways which will make it easier for u to change. i sincerely hope so. anyway this post does sound gloomy written by a heartbroken person but seriously, i am relieved. maybe by thinking of Allah it soothe your heart. plus i still have the love of other man, and its unconditional for me.. my father..

Terima Kasih Ya Allah kerana sudi menyayangi diri ini,

Terima Kasih Ya Allah kerana sering mendengar pengharapan serta pengaduanku,

terima kasih Ya Allah kerana sering bersama-sama denganku,

x kira apa keadaan imanku,

Sesungguhnya Ya Allah,

cintaku hanya milikMU...

ya rasullullah

would u ever understand?

(pic) credit to :

jeff thomas

azuzephre.net

maybe some wishes are'nt meant to be

i love?

blablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablabla

everyone around me,

gossipping,

commenting,

complaining,

advising,

arguing,

hmmmmm...what?

oh! who do i love?

blablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablabla

they seem to know better,

ASK THEM!

*sigh* i'm better?

feeling better today?

i always do,

...after a major break down

the--he-he *giggle*

snot cry!

ugh! totally gross and ugly.

point is,

its okay to get gross n ugly at times,

when after that u would feel better, then, go on...

move FORWARD!!!!

:)

uh-oh *cough**cough* ("-.-)

wake up today feeling lyke crap,

swollen eyes and heartache,

immunity currently in lowest level,

a sign of me under stress,

TWICE in a MONTH,

fever again...

:(

*sniff* *cough*

p/s: to every mother-to-be, do breast feed ur baby, or u'll regret bout it later, when u cant bear seeing them falling sick so often..

PENGGODA CINTA YANG MALU… � Genta Rasa

PENGGODA CINTA YANG MALU… � Genta Rasa: "TELADAN CINTA KITA

Dia pahlawan yang dimuliakan wajahnya
Dia puteri dari zuriat yang mulia
Ali pewaris keberanian dan kebenaran
Fatimah titipan kesabaran dan kesucian
Persandingan itu…
di pelamin kemiskinan

Fatimah…
Puteri terpuji, isteri teruji,
Suami di medan jihad
Kau bermandi keringat
Jauh-jauh mencari air…di padang pasir
Di sengat sinar mentari
Sedikitpun tidak kau kesali
Untuk suami, kerana Ilahi

Ali…
Pahlawan unggul, ilmuan tersohor,
Syair setajam senjata
Gagah sekukuh kota
Kau kunci gedung nubuwwah
Kau fakir yang pemurah
Kau wira di sebalik selimut hijrah
Berkorban nyawa untuk Rasulullah

Ali & Fatimah…
Subuh itu mereka berdua bertemu Nabi
Lalu diluahkan ketandusan upaya
Betapa tenaga seakan tak mampu lagi
Untuk menanggung beban keluarga
Sudilah kiranya dihadiahkan seorang sahaya

Tersenyum Rasulullah mendengar rintihan
Lalu diberikan zikir sebagai gantian
Tiga kalimat sarat keberkatan
Subhannallah, Alhamdulillah, Alllah hu Akbar
Lalu esoknya mereka datang lagi…
Bersama satu kelapangan dan kekayaan hati
Cukuplah kami tak perlu apa-apa lagi!

Mereka miskin harta tapi kaya jiwa
Sering berpisah tapi tak gundah
Mereka bercinta kerana Allah

Indahnya mempelai di pelamin kemiskinan
Bila bersanding dua kemuliaan..
Seorang lelaki bergelar karamallahuwajjah,
seorang wanita yang az zahrah!"

-dari blog genta rasa karangan pahrol mohd juoi

Birthday its here again oh my gosh I’m finally 19

Yeah, as u all know I’m getting older. I’m nineteen, the last year of my teen life. I haave to really make new changes in me. For instance being more matured and do not depend on others so much like I used too. I also should be making decision using my head and not my heart. Well, I have to kill the girl that you recognize, every single one of you who know me from before. I’m not that charming little lady anymore (am I charming before? Okay its better left unanswered..hehe..) throughout my life, I have been experiencing a good share of happy birthdays, sad birthday but still every single birthdays I had none were clear to me until up to 3 years back. Well, I get a-get-many-present-birtday on my 16th birthday, an exciting mail-post-birthday on my 17th birthday, a well-celebrated-and-oh-too-many-birthday-treat on my 18th birthday, but none has really touches my heart like the celebration of my 19th birthday. Actually, it wasn’t a cool-superb-birthday or a romantic-sweet-birthday, it was a simple-kisses-on-cheek-and-lots-of-card-birthday. Celebrating my birthday at that house were simple yet leaving me feeling rather serene. on the eve of my birthday, accurately on maghrib time, all the kids were waiting for me at the surau, they closed my eyes and led me there. With my eyes closed they sang ALLAH SELAMATKAN KAK FARA for me. I was trying real hard to blink away the tears that had started pooling around my eyes. (what? I’m embarrassed okay, this kids have never seen me shed any tears, far worst bursting into endless snot cry, which would be real ugly..haha) and after that each one of them give me a kiss on cheek. Ookay, admit it that was real sweet, don’t ya think? I thought so too. My phones rung and it was kautsar asking me to send him to hospital since he had a back-ache. As a good sister I did send him to hospital that night. I received text messages from my parents wishing me birthdays, a phone call from my baby sister and she had undergone a series of spooky event because of that phone call, 3 text messages from my friends, and a series of birthday wishes in facebook. That’s it, well u cant say I have a well celebrated birthday but I’m happy. Anyway that night, I’ve found out at the hospital that I have some kind of renitis. Its an allergy, and drinking warm water would make the coughing worst cz it would encourage my lung to expel liquid which also was phlegm, I guess so. and it does came true, strike 12 that night I start coughing rather badly. Really2 cough and I cant sleep. It was disastorous. But when I thought ALLAH would be near the one who was sick, I felt weirdly comforted. And strange as it may seem I love it when I cough. And that’s when I get my first birthday present from aqila and birthday card from hasanah. Well most of the card I received were hand made and you could imagine how will the card looked like. Most of them were kids ranging from age 10 to 15. the cards were cute. Seriously. Downright honest and childish.Kak Wan said, the kids were start doing the cars the night before, right after I went to hospital. So sweet. But some were filled with advice that really affects me deeply. I’ll share with you some of the thought later at the end of this post. And oh, my ustazah’s wish was weird, “hajar, selamat pendek umur”. Luckily I know what it means, since I’ve read, Nota Hati Seorang Lelaki by Pahrol Mohd Juoi. Any way, that’s it about my birthday. I really do have a very happy-smappy birthday this year.

Buatmu mujahidah solehah - dgn kecantikanmu, kau lebih elok dari matahari; dgn akhlakmu, kau lebih wangi dari haruman; dgn rendah hati, kau lebih tinggi dari bulan; kau lebih halus dari rintik; maka pertahankanlah keindahan ini agar kau terus menjadi sayap kiri perjuangan islam,penegak kalam Allah di muka bumi.-kak wan

changing my mind

i've decided not to make my blog private. why? well having a blog means, having a site where yor voices and thought can be heard. it also can be a medium in settelling a da'ie responsbility. eventough i'm not really qualiffied as a da'ie but still by continuing writing this blog, the very least is that i can share all the knowledge that i get throughout my reading and classes attended. so thats why..hurmmm...dats it