galau

haha..the post title seems weird, dont u'oll think so too? actually its a new indonesian vocab that i learned yesterday..the meaning was somewhat i thought as penasaran a while back. but then i know penasaran actually means curious..so what does galau means? its a condition when u are feeling a lot of different emotion at the same time and everything got jumbled up and you have NO IDEA at what exactly u were feeling at that time, all u know was that sick feeling in your stomach and somehow your heart seems strain..i do mean biological heart...it still goes thump-thump but in a different rythm which you are not familiar with and is changing every minute..

why am i writing about this?
basically thats how i feel right now, and i have been feeling this way for quite a while now...whats even more frustrating was i have NO IDEA at all why am i feeling this way, i have vague assumptions but nothing did fit properly....maybe because i kept lots and lots of secret...a thing that i tell one person, might be too sensitive for another person...so certain people, i just told certain thing, thus they dont really know the whole picture, thus i cannot actually make them understand..maybe, everyone would say, its easy to solve my problem, pick one person whom u trust, and dump it all to them without hesitation...but somehow, everytime i wanted to go into full gear and start rambling, my sel-preservation kicked me right in my gut and stopped all the thoughts midsentence, thus its not successfull..and maybe i always try to say what i thought the other person wanted to hear, or maybe just i'm afraid they will be judging..


well, i know, i'm being a brat and difficult and all when there are always people who would certainly be there for me..but then, I cannot say a word when prompted..i really didnt know...now, i think, the only problem is me..and only me...fara!! pull your act together and start growing up please!!! stop hurting because of stupid little things...MOVE ON!!!

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falling is easy, and the thrill u had was intoxicating but once u hit the ground, the pain will last for a long time and u might not recover..