new sweetheart

ookay i must say...i am down here in farabi's cc downloading the almost-final episode of dream high....haha..i know..i am supposed to be studying whats with having biology paper tomorrow, still i really cant stand it..i have to watch kim soo hyun...this drama is really making me crazy and squee like some frantic little girl...i really cant wait for the final episode next week...argh...its killing me..

here are some stills from this drama and mind you song sam dong is sooo mine....

There is lots more but i'm too lazy to upload it ere...hehe

i feel like blogging

hmmm...its been a while since i became an active writer...

inoe dat i dont write much but at least i do update sommetime...seriously now i feel a lot lighter than i had this past few days...

i can be my old self without sacrificing my new self..

and i can be my new self without sacrificing my old self...

still theres no difference actually between my new self and old self...

maybe a little in terms of maturity, recklessness and so on...

still i do feel hope..that i can make it through everything...

i love it that my life is a bit hectic now..

it gave me zero time to reminisce about my past and give me ample time enjoying my life..

the last months of my teen years....

before stepping to 20 something....yes! thats what i'll do...

btw, today i have class with sir firdaus...

ohhhh..how much i miss him..

not only me..my other classmates too..i just miss his fatherly nagging and all...

hehe..

and more, sumone told me today,

that i am sumone who is full of emotion...

highly motivated...easy to be pleased and all...hehe..

i do know that i am...

one thing i'd like to note here..bits from our conversation...

that person asked me: what criteria does u like about him (sumone from my past dat i do love)

my answer: he likes me

that person asked: really, what is it dat u like about him?

my answer: hmmmmm..(thinking..) he likes me...

that person asked: is that all? snangnye...(xtaw nk translate)

my answer: yes, that simple..i am simple..he likes me, so he makes me like him and when i like him l jz love everything about him and thats it..why do we have to make something that simple be so complicated?

yeah..i know what you're thinking..i am THAT easy to pleased...haha...

owkeyh..i guess thats it for today..my exam starts this sunday and i dont know f i can maintained last semester result*sigh*..whats with my laziness in studying..haha..

anyway, i have finished downloading 2 episodes of dream high...

so i guess..that'll be the end of my post....

till next time...daaa~~

i'm better

haha...

how childish do i sound?

i'm feeling better i guess..tonite i did some ym-ing with syates!!!

wawa..i miss her lots!!!!

after talking to her, now i realize there is 6 major thing bothering me..

1. ex
2. guys
3. lect
4. childish
5. study vs work
6. chance

thats it,,i'm feeling slightly better and lighter now...

i really loves her!! thank you Allah for sending her to help me tonite!

i feel awful

again today i feel awful

i'm the baddest person alive

i dont deserve to be here..

thanx ma sis..

YaY!!!
i've earned myself a sister..
its the best thingever..
Thanx!

i hate it

i hate myself..i'm used of being pampered at time like this..used to be called as princess but now i have to deal with everything on my own..its hard..really and sometimes i feel like quiting..but I really hope that HIM would never give something that i could not handle..seriously people, stop telling me to be hard, to be strong..i am strong enough..i want to be me..even if it means a childish, cry-baby, so be it..if u cant deal with it, then leave me alone..yes, i noe..i need to learn to ba more harsh..i cant be the same "lembut"..but that is me and how i was, am and will ever be..

i am dealing now..juggling everything that i have in my life..balancing everything and everyone...but i had enough..seriously..owh problems..could you please..please leave me alone for tonite..i need time...i need myself, my own self, my old self...just please...

being me is hard..but being someone else who everyone else thought was better is even harder...

this post is for a friend : Anna, its for you..

dearest Anna,

sincerely, i am sorry if i've hurt your feelings in any way. seriously, i'm new to building a frienship with agirl whom i never met. i havent actually graduated in ettiquette of having a girl as a friend. i as used to not really care about what others thought which may as well explains why i havent had a real girl friend..i am sorry for taking a really whatever attitude about your phone number. i really meant to ask, seriously but with everything that have been going in my life right now, which i'm sure u already know by now- it kept on sliding through my memory. i'm truly sorry. and i should have clarified to u what does he meant to me. i am sorry, and i am sure he treat me the way he is now, not because i am special. its jist i'm like his little sister. being sumone who had always been the youngest in every class i've been into since standard 5 really have shaped me to a spoiled, and childish girl. and now, for the very first time, in a class, i am the eldest among my classmates and its a little bit of culture shocked, now, i've been tring to act all matured and it doesnt suit me at all. it hurts all the way, and the only one i could talk to is him besides my family. i know that i could talk tou, but i barely know you and i apologize and really hope you would understand. for me and him to come to term of telling each other problems, it took a long time and a lot of patience and trust..seriously..i'm sorry again..seriously i want to be friend with u. but i am suck at maintaining a relationship through internet and phone..as u can see, i barely updated my blog and stats in fb..u could enquire on how him and me could last even through communication medium..seriously it took a long time..no jokes..i really hope u would understand..i am sorry for my oblivious-ness..can we still be friend?

yesterday i lost my bestfriend

This is a story about me and a friend of mine. our very first meeting was during a MARA interview. we clique d almost immediately. :) he was cool and relaxing and the one who calmed me down when i had a nervous attack even when it is as claer as glass that he was nervous too. :0 i hadnt been expecting that short meeting could really be a start to a long-lasting friendship. over the course of our friendship, i have only met him thrice including that day of MARA interview. knowing me, everyone could tell its not because of me this frienship could last long because of me cz i am not the one who were really into trying to maintain a quick introduction to a blooming friendship. its all thanks to him. he was the very first person in the whole wide world that i ym-ing with. he taught me how. he was there throughout ups and down since the interview. he was a friend who were not oblivious about me even though i decided to be shut off from my old friend. he was with me through every heartache, thanx to my love life, every headache cause by never ending problem, and stomachache because of too much crying :c over a bread.haha.overall, he is such a good friend. sumone who i am comfortable with. being with him make me somehow believe that a girl and a guy could really be JUST a very BESTFRIEND..he was the one whom i thought to call after pouring my heart out to the first man i would call, ayh. he was my safety harbour and who i can say , very patient in handling my temper, tantrums and tears.

still he cant be my friend now :~ , since he has to consider his number one priority. seriously, i am not the one who would give sumone up so easily, yet it was eay this time to give up my bFF just because i know how much he loves her, i really did not want to be the reason to a rocky relationship between him and her. i was just a good friend to him, i have always been and will forever be which is why i am asking her to understand, that there should be no reason for her to feel insecure because of me.

now, i have come to accept that, guy and a girl can never be just bestfriend without consequences. Just to make everything clear, I am SO NOT in love with him. yet, i do adore him. He was like a brother i wish i had but i never have. Nothing more than that. because ofthet, i am helping him, seeking understanding from her that i am so NOT after him. he loves you and only you..trust me on that..please.