what exactly do u want from me?

this post is for dat sumone who maybe are also confused..

actually, could u be more clear in a very literal sense, what exactly do u want from me? cz at one time, u state it dz way, then all of a sudden u changed and wanted it that way..seriously i'm confused..please do make up ur mind and tell me what do u want...stop playing around and hurting me in the process..haisyh!!!

i am okay now

weird, i always think of the worse when it wasnt clear and it affects my mood considerably..but then, when the worst-that-i-imagined become true and as clearer as it can be, i am not so down anymore..somehow, i feel relieved, truth been told, i do feel sad, but its for my own good right? so honestly, i ca accept it..ur ambigous manner before was what makes me suffer..

seriously people, i am okay now, no longer distracted, a little bit sad but more or less i am me..i am not alone..and always will not be alone cz i have u..yes u..the one who reads every sentence of my pathetic complaining, the one who always have the time to spare and reads what happens to this shallow-minded girl, the one who didnt get sick eventhough every post i made was making a fuss out of a small thing..thank you..

today, i can achieve more than i did yesterday, i know, what i did couldnt be perceived as efficient, but at least i did something..and i have time to write also..so, its okayy right?

from now on, i wanted to try to be strong..yes, i know, looking back from my experience, i am not exactly good in the being-strong department.but i'll try to be..i'm trying to improve myself..i really hope i can..o Allah, please give me the strength and guide me throughout my way..

:)(:   i'll forget..

dear awk,

hv a safe journey...hope u'll reach ur destination safe and sound...

"ya Allah, kau berkatilah perjalanan mereka yang aku sayang, dan Kau lindungilah mereka dari malapetaka yang membahayakan. hanya padamu ya Allah, aku berserah..please protect the one I love.."

before i go to bed

dunno whether i cn sleep..well, lets just try....before that;

i'll get over u, somehow, someday.

thats all..goodbye!

they just wont..

today was raining..quite heavily here in melaka..and somehow it matches my mood..gloomy as you may say it..i seriously dont know whats wrong with me..i get frustrated so easily nowadays..apart from that i feel guilty..

*sigh* i just hate u..u make me wait, wait, and still waiting...
and now i just keep on hate, hate and hating u..

stop messing up with my heart cz it cant stand it anymore...say the word and begone already..dont linger and make me suffer..

so peeps, dont expect anything to happen cause they just WONT

tired of waiting and hating..let me go now..please..

tenanglah wahai hati

pelik, tapi hari nie nak wat post dalam bahasa melayu..supaya sampai segala maksud yg terungkap dalam hati.

entah kenapa hati saya selalu bercelaru sejak kebelakangan ini. ingin menangis meluah perasaan, tapi air mata seperti malu seperti malu untuk membasahi pipi, menghilangkan simpulan di hati lalu, segala yang terkusut masih terpendam dan bertambah serabut.

untuk meluah kepada teman yang sentiasa mengambil berat tentang diri ini, namun setiap kali cuba hati sepertinya malu utk meluah rasa lalu masih terpendam di dalam dada. xtahu bagaimana menyusun kata mengungkap rasa..seperti ingin berteriak sahaja. jujur otak pnat memikir ttg semua yang berlaku.

ayat xteratur. kata menyalahi makna. maksud sebenar xtercapai. kronologi bercelaru. aku buntu.

tenanglah wahai hati. menangislah wahai diri, berhentilah berfikir wahai minda.

Ya Alla, please help me get me through the nite..

future

i've always been thinking bout my future..

and does it include me?

maybe, maybe not...u? ur future, does it include me?

emmmm...yes...

being what?

hmmmmm.....

being sumone who i would rely on,

who i would respect and love,

who i would trust and cared about,

who i would listen to,

who would be responsible for my kids,

who will take care of me and i, him,

who will be holding my hand when i am in pain,

who would be keeping me company when i am sick,

who would wipe my tears away when i am sad,

who would make me happy when i feel hurt,

and..

who will guide me to the Jannah and make me his head of angels..

....i'm waiting for u....

<3 my future <3

:) (:

so far..

why do i feel like suddenly we're so far apart, and it has nothing to do with the literal distance between us....*sigh*




mkisa :'(

at last...

i just had to have at least one post today..anyway, i cant be long since i've got tonnes of work to do...with the mid term for eet just the day after tomorrow, i really have to start my gear..so before i go i want to make an announcement!

i am a proud owner of a blackberry! chiiwah...*beams*

2je nk bgtaw..bye2...

benci!

ugh...
benci ********
benci ********
benci ********
benci ********

...................

most of all sy benci diri sendri.....haisyh...

random photos #3

bju perintis, dlm lif, on my way to class

mkisa, nie yg sy janji.. ;)

introducing *drumroll*

niela kak abiey, (girl in pink) romate saye..lagi sorang 2 bell..jjiran sebelah..

hari jalan2 sedunia cont'd..

did i tell u guys, we are going to seoul garden? believe it or not, we DID!!!! yeayy..lets not say much, i'll just let the potos tell u the story..<3

first stage

eating nyom nyom nyom..

hilang kechumellan ketika makann..isyh3..

rehat japp..penat lorh makann..

waiting for the buss..*excited*

cleannnnn...

okayla..since the photo wasnt arranged chronically, i guess, i'll story to y all a lil bit about our time there, after paying, i waited at the table, so that only iza and bell that went and take all the ddishes..if u ever been to SG, u'll know that the bbq has so many section, for brg mentah, there were 2 section..BBQ and STEAMBOT, since, bot bell and iza were so excited, they took a huge amount of the BBQ dish, and we have to eat it all upso not to be fined..ugh! we were too full by the end that we didnt get to the steambot session..*sigh* what a shame...but never mind, at least we knew the strategy if we ever come back again next time..sso, if any one of u are planning to go! remember not to be greedy, take the dish litle by little, i enssure u'll be satisfied..thats all for now..bubbye..

hari jalan2 sedunia

ngee~~ rase cam dah lame sangat x update blog neyh..dah berhabuk dan berkeladak da...bkan aape mood menulis 2 x datang..huhu...

aikk? awaat fara gune bahasa melayu nie? oops..silap tuning..jap ea..

.....loading.......

ok, here we go..i am so sorry, its not like using b.m is not good, but i am currently trying to improve my english...lately, i've been operating in b.m...well, for those who knew me, they would probably kknow that my english speakig will faced automatic shut down when i am surrounded by people who seems to be an english speaking native (a.k.a fluent english speaker) haha,,,i dont even know if my term was right..never mind, no one will say anything anyway..if u do realize that it was wrong, just urn a blind eye okay! hehe...

Last saturday, (12 Nov 2011)
bell, izza (my next door neighbour) and i went for a hari jalan2 sedunia..we named this day as this while planning this day as we are about to go to many places...here goes the plan:

1. MYDIN; lunch and shopping!!! +bb hunt
2. MITC; PC fair..window shopping aandd light shopping..ngee~ +bb hunt
3. Melaka Sentral; tickets for bell..+ bb hunt
4. Mahkota Parade; dinner (seoul garden) and moooviie (Real Steel)..+ bb hunt

that was what on the list, now lets go to the D-Day and the execution of the plan..

after class, i went back and solat first, before we went and rent a car, first stop, we went to MITC and have lunch..i was not eating muuch cz i have already eaten with  k.wani and biibb after our contemporary management and entrepernaurship class earlier that day..then while iza goes to the restrooms, bell and i went to mph, i bought to books, one for me, another one for my "putraputrimama collection" ngee~ this one will be the third book so far..hmmm...then, there was this cat exhibition or some sort of beauty contest at the second floor lobby area of mydin..i stop and stare..and stare..and stare..u wont believe it, the cats was huuuuge and fluffy..i cant help but feel a huge rush of affection, i'm not a natural cat lover, but if u looks at these cats, it is really hard not to love them..haha..

after some LIGHT shopping at mydin, we were ready for our next stop, PC fair..i was planning of buying a netbook..at first, i was torn between ASUS EE pad transformer, and ACER iconia tab..but after serious thinking, at last i go for LENOVO net book..haha..gween laughed at me later that day when i told him..i also bought hp printer, wd external hd, wireless jerry, and headphones...haha..that was seriously not what we call LIGHT..erkk, never mind..and oh, i forgot to mention about bb hunt, at mydin we did browse some of the bb price since i'm thinking of buying bb..but at pc fair, there were no bb at all..

it was really late when we finished at PC fair, so next stop MELAKA SENTRAL.. we prayed there and bell purchased her ticket, it was already 8 when we leave melaka sentral, real steel will start at 8:20, so we didnt make it..we still go to DATARAN PAHLAWAN, but only to have dinner at McD and bb hunt, but since it was almost 10 when we finally finish having dinner, (u must wonder what took us so long? well, we parked our car very far from Dataran Pahlawan, and we have to walked all the way to DP..) most of the stores were closing, so we decided to just go to JONKER WALK..it was fun, lots of cute things, which i really adore..still all the stuff is quite pricey...but i must tell, it was a very long walk, crowded with people..*tiring*

our day ended with, taking wrong turn, which makes us travelling in circle - we were lost!!! waaa..but we manage to arrive safely in MMU 11:48 p.m..it was triring but i had so much funn!!

in car, fom pc fair, heading to MC

nk jalan g DP smbil2 2 snap2! hehe

cermin tepi jalan 2..haha..guess which one is moi?

kt jonker walk, cincin 2 comel taw...

only pic from pc fair me and izza

oh yea, we didnt eat dinner in seoul garden as planned because it was toO expensive,,so we thought of going on weekdays, it will be cheaper if we ate student meal...so maybe if we did go, i'll post it here..thats all for now, bye2 pwetty ones...

shoulder to cry on

taking into account the series of recent event occuring in my life, i'd really want to pay tribute to those person who i would always turn to whenever i felt really down and very2 very2 sad...this people are a bunch of interesting people because the way they handle my problems were different... okay, lets start with people i would call when i am still in the stressed out mood and cried a lot while telling them..

1. my sis, fatihah
   i really loved her, because, whenever i told her what exactly is bugging me, she would always know the right thing to say..she would normally not comfort me with some niice word, but she will rationalize everything in a lighter sense, even adding a comic hint into it, leaving me with stomach ache because of laughing fit she caused me..sometime, i do wonder, why exactly i am born to be her sister when all this while i have been acting nothing like an older sister at all..whenever she was feeling sad, she called me, but somehow, i dunno the right thing to say, whatever i tried, will make her feel no better at all, so i just listen, and let all the pujuk-ing be done by momma..bottomline is my sis was the best shoulder anyone in the whole wide world that is sad could ever hoped for..
2. my bff, ajim
   this is another person whom i felt really comfortable to confide all my problems to because he have this caring, brotherly presence about him..he would say all the right thing to calmed me down and helped me to see the problem as nothing big at all..he makes me feel better at once, ookayy, it was weird since ever since we knew each other, we have only met for about three times, including the first meeting doing MARA interview, yet i get so close to him, not in lovey-dovey way of course..and for sumone that i know, and havent had the chance of meeting (yes, i am talking about u anNa) u make me feel the same way as ajim did which is why i am completely smitten to u..but somehow, whenever i am feeling sad, i found myself not able to talk about it to u at all..i feel awkward all of the sudden..maybe because of the fact that we have never met, but please understand, i love ajim as much as i love u now, which mean, u dont have to feel insecure whenever i was around...
3. my other besties, syates..
   well, its just the relief feeling u felt when dumping all ur problem to sumone..but now, since she was studying abroad, its just hard to contact him...
4. my dongseng, syuha, rozan..
   i rarely told them when something is bothering me, since i am bound to the older sister mentality, i've told u before, mainly, if i am feeling sad, and needing sumone to make me feel better without me having to tell what bothers me, they were the perfect person..who ever know rozan ecspecially will know exactly what i means..haha..i miss them..*sigh*
5. my ayah..
   he was not the best person to talk to..but whenever i called him, he would either laugh it out, making me laugh too, or say something that will make me stop feeling sad and see sense, and tell me something like we-should-work-this-out-together thingy..and it make me felt loved and secured..:)

thats it, one thing i learned is that the one u like sometimes isnt the one u would share ur problem with...well, i always thought the first person u would turn too whenever u felt bad was ur betrothed, and i tried (only because he asked me too) but then i regret telling him, as the response i get was "...................", exactly, nothing! he doesnt event say one word to make me feel better, *sigh*, lets just not hope later on...but, the very best solution is tell HIM..since He is the Almighty one that have all the solution. well, productive muslim once said (fb stats) : 

Prayer changes things.worry changes nothing.

so instead of worrying about what u can do .

just pray and think of what Allah can do for you :)

lastly, i thanked for all my  friends for being there..luv u lots!

uh-oh...i LIKE!!!!

diz is a link, i stumble upon today..and i like it...

www.free-tv-video-online.me

now i can watch ncis season 3..yeay!!!

random photos #2

look at that, 3 hawtest gurl in the whole wide world..my favourite girls!!! 

random photos #1

i dunno where i put the sweet book i bought to write all this thing...i like looking into a mirror, and putting it there, it help me in remembering every details that means so much to me...yes, u know what details, i've told u before..heeeheee...well, at least u can see a glimpse of my not-so-neat bedroom...

graduationn day

  now i am officially graduated from KUIN as one of its foundation in science students...apart from me 7 others from my class were graduating, leaving 4 people, mommy (zulaikha), zati and fzah(both were in melaka), and also our one and only male classmate, muhsin (working during that day)..it was fun and happening, we get to wear this awfully uncomfortable big robe (thank god we have an attractive orangey-red lining instead of green;for api or purple; for asp) it was fun and happenning at the same time..yeah, i had to admit i am a tad bit dissappointed since i've been to 2 graduation ceremony before which a lil bit grander than this one, but still we could really see the effort that all the crew put in making it a huge success..thanx to everyone who make this graduation ceremony together on time..

to start the story of the day, all three of us, ir rozan, dr syuha and me woke up late that morning, and we misses the first bus, so we have to wait for the second bus..what makes it hilarious, ayh arrived to the campus earlier than us..but its okayy, we made it in time...the ceremony starts late anyway, we still have time to adjust our robe, our scarf and all plus, taking a group picture!

snap!

as all graduation ceremony, the events starts off, it was okay, we have fun with the gimmick that were specially prepared, but honestly, it was a bit lengthy..seriously, didnt they know, too long people get bored..but its a good effort though! go juniors, and graduation day committee..the scroll giving was done flawlessly, i get to circle the stage and graduates area for 5 times..ehem2.. sorry if i sound like so proud of myself, cz in truth I AM!! haha..there was this one guy, from the family sitting area said when i walked in front of them, "eyh, dia nie lagi!" haha..now i know, how it feels..i should have worked harder earlier so that i could experience this from the moment i am in MRSM..but nevermind, better late than never right?

and oh! did u know, there was this video, a compilation of my oldest photo, played aroud the time i was announced the best student..it was EMBARASSING! whatt? i'm not attractive then as i was today..*sigh* why cant i enjoyed having this day without even a moment of embarrassment..

after the scroll giving, there was a nasheed performance, and they were captivating! ecspecially the one in green..haha..a girl could always dream and drool over hot guys..haha! still, m.k.i.s.a. hv the most enchanting smile of all..(yela, owg da smitten, semuala dia yg paling elok) here comes the most heart thumping part! give-speeching...haha! erk, that doesnt sound right, i am still nervous even by the thought of it..now, let me try that again, speech-giving! much better..

it was nothing much actually, i just read the text that was given to me, *sigh* why cant i be as cool as baek seung jo in playful kiss or as heart-warming as troy bolton in HSM3, while giving speeches..but its okay, if i were too good, a lot of people will fall in love with me, and a lot of parents would want me to be their daughter-in-law (sgt perasan!), so xapela..all the time when i was giving speech i was looing at ayah! he didnt even look at me AT ALL! like, seriously! he was busy reading newspaper..that was so typical of ayah..he wasnt moved by this kind of thing...its okay, i just have to try hard when i finished my degree courses and make him proud then! go FARA!

the event ended around 2 p.m..my ayah and i was invited to have lunch in the VIP room (again, proud!) with faiq and faiz, both best student of api, and asp..(rozan was so jealous..hehe) after that, ayah went to fetch fatin and i get to spent some quality time with my besties..and also taking MORE photos...

hehe, and oh! did i tell? i get to talk to mkisa after all and it was like ...*happy* cant express it in words..

after that, rozan followed us back to langkawi..we spend quality time together...lets the photo tell u the story..hahaha..

this book is a present from ustaz fauwaz...it was later that i realized, he was the one who translate this book to malay..i am stumped! erkkk..haha..



thats all for now, i'm lost of word already!