its raining

i'm feeling very down..i'm supposed to write bout something..pour my heart out..but i'm not really in the mood as what i thought already complicated getting more and more tangled leaving me completely wasted and tired..hmm..wish me a good night sleep so tomorrow i can be better..

you steal the glow from everyone else

now i cant properly see anyone

without having you in assisting

it would be unfair to see other personality in ur glow

yet theres nothing i could do

hmmmmmm.....

p/s: i've made my own breakfast today ^^

call?

its 0047 , im alone at home and i'm still not asleep..sitting in front of my acer aspire 4920 reliving the moment i made a new friend..anNa alanie..hehe..anyway, i am watching first wife club on ch 393 when my home phone rung...my first thought..is it my boyfriend? most unlikely cz i dont have one...but then i answered...yes, it was indeed my boyfriend..the one and only who had been faithful to me..thru ups and downs..who adore me with all his heart, calling to be sure i'm asleep..

kalau ayah balik, x tido lagi, ayah kacau sampai xboleh tidor sampai ke pagi..lab report 2 wat je esok

hehe...ao i need to really fast post this and shut everything off..i feel funny, cz usually we would get a wake up call..but me, i get a sleep call as well..haha...dats my boyfriend!! lamja chingu...saranghae~

today i swing, gazing to the sky, wishing i could be released from u..

i swing harder, hoping i am among the sky, still i'm hanging to the swing which is you..

i want to be free but what can i do?

should i just cut the rope that i'm hanging on so tight?

what if it bring me smack down to the earth..hurting even more..

its embarassing

really it is..why? try being me, a 19-year old girl..yet today's breakfast, ayah is the one who prepared it..huhu..yeah..i know..it should be me, but maybe ayah who already know about my lembab-ness doesnt want to waste time and take the cooking responbilities into his hand...so, to cover my embarassment, i try my best being effective in what i'm allowed and left to do which is cleaning up after ayah..hmm..but seriously. maybe because i'm so embarassed that my lembab-ness doesnt show at all..i did all the work effectively and efficiently and i'm proud of myself..haha..actually i need to get something straight..its not like i am lembab..its just i like to take my own sweet time doing stuff..is it really that bad? hmmphh...yeah, i guess..fine! i'll try to be more un-lembap..haha..thats alll i guess, better start doing my la report..till later..

chaotic

i'm all alone in my home, mom together with sis and bro are at selangor now...father has gone to work, so i'm all alone which is why i feel that my feelings are rather messed up and chaotic...why? i dont really have a definite answer for that...i've been trying to concentrate, repeating zikr to tranquil my ragging feeling, and it work, but sadly it doesnt last long...sometimes i do feel alone..so much alone...being a big sister is so much work...being hajar is such a burden....sometimes i want to be farah..back to old times..and if i'm being true to myself, there is a tiny bit of me wishing i could be ain...but reality check! i cant....what should i do to distract myself? goguma wont be out until this saturday, yet i need to wait for at least 2 days for it to be subbed, M3 also, its out yet none with eng subbed..so how?

new world. new classmate.

actually i'm in the middle of study week as next week my exams will be starting, but i'm so bored of studying (eventough i havent started anything on physics yet and physics paper is on this upcomic saturday, the day after tomorrow) thats why, i'm vandalizing my blog! getting rid of the dust that had been accumulating in here..i guess its not too late to introduce my classmates. its just i want to share a few pic of us..wawa..but the boys are not here..my class only have 4 boys..yeah, a bit boring! and honestly, theyre not yummy..haha..(dont tell anyone i said that!! i was joking..but still its the truth! *wink*)

and oh, from the last pic, i'm promoting a novel written by my teacher..puteraery, the reason i picked putrinia as my writing initials once upon a time ago..i kinda have a crush on him, back in time i was so childish..wawa..thats all..anyway, wish me luck..pray for my success..

pic of me, my two little dongseng from our trip

my fav photo of us..2 be honest, i've never once put any pic as a wallpaper in my z601i, i always go with the wallpaper provided by the theme i used, but this one is the first pic that is able to be the wallpaper of my z601i, cz i jz heart this pic! domo domo dom0 kiyowo!!!

shuha (baca: 2dung putih) dan rozan (baca: 2dung biru)

rozan byk sgt karenah..mmg nk kena nie!!!

3 gadis ayu..chiiwah!!

promote keindahan pntai tngkorak!!

mama n rozan..nmpak cm mother daughter x? (so jealous (T.T)

saye..show off topi baru eli..hik2

at last...

sorry for all,,,its been a long time since i last updated my blog...i was busy nursing my broken heart..haha..doesnt it sound emo? well it surely is..someone dear to me once said, u would never heal from a wound until u get pass ur ego and really admit how badly u were hurt by that wound and eventually try to get it over with..so up till now, this is the only time i had the courage to really admit it..yes! i was badly hurt. really2 bad. i cant even lie to myself that i was ok. yes, i do make myself busy so that i'm not bothered by it but somehow, my body still sense the tension i was feeling. that explains how i got real sick twice in two months time..father was really worried for me..but dont weri apa, i'm doing okay now. i hope so. how come i got the courage now, well actually it was from that time in a beach. i went there with mama, kosar and his friends, and also two of my closest friend or should i say "little sisters", rozan and shuha. i'm not used to have girlfriends, and i do know now why, but it seems fun and really comforting being in their presence. they were cute and really adorable. chincha2.. i wrote his name and how i felt about him on the sand, hoping the wave would wash them away, after wroting i waited for the wave to wash them away and praying if it would washed away and gone its a sign that i'm capable of forgetting him, so iwaited, and waited the wave did come but somehow it didnt touches his name.. it was like his name was invicible and permanently etched.. i still wait..i'm getting nervous and after waiting bout 20 minutes, the savior wave did came and wash him away..phew!! at last...goodbye, though i know t's still hard, he is still there untouched in my memory, still it was a releif to actually let him go, and can be happy for him and expecting that he get the best for him...so, now, i need to move on and try to adjust myself to my new world..alone as it is..Hey! i'm not really alone, i still have my ma and pa, my brothers and sisters and also my little dong seng..bot of them..i love all of u now! always and forever. lets just keep him as a memory. the sweetes memory of my teenage life..goodbye for now and thank you....saranghaeyo...

my first blood donation

ookayh, eventough it doesnt count much as a blood donation but still i insist that it is a blood donation. after being rejected from donating blood before, i never getting to know why? a long time ago, when i generously wanted to donate blood just to be rejected because i have a very low blood pressure. sometimes i cant stop from feeling amused as everytime i get a blood pressure test, the doctor or nurse operating the machine used to detect blood pressure; will look at me with a very obvious confused face and they would probably asked me.."Do u feel faint?" " uhmmm... NO, why?" " with this blood pressure of yours, u should be fainting" haha was all that i could managed as aresponse..but whats even funnier, i have never ever in my life faint before...but here i am walking around with a blood pressure which could on;ly mean i should collapse..and now i know why i cant donate blood.. for our latest bio experiment, we need to find out the appearance of rbc in hyper, iso or hypo -tonic solution.. we have 6 test tube, each test tube needed at least 3 drop. to get even one drop was so very hard, and i ended up getting all 6 of my fingers getting pricked only to have a drop for each test tube.. mind you my fingers was swollen right after that. despite having donated only about 6 drops of my blood, i am pale as sheet and for the first time in my life i feel faint..but thank god i didnt faint there and then..i can be counted as strong, cant i...haha..as the result, i have a high fever and major coughing wit loss of voice the next day..so much of being strong..i am getting weaker, for the past 2 month, this was the third time i'm having fever, how could a body grew weaker as time pass. i havent reached my twenties yet. how could my immune system be so low..maybe i need to eat more supplement! haha, like i could be consistent eating it...hmmm...lets not think about it just yet..shall we?

OK!!

new obsession...

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

hehe...shhh......

browsing through my phone today, i came across a message,

Jika timbul kesedaran untuk meninggalkan cinta seorang lelaki, itu bermakna Allah mahu mengambil kita kembali untuk dijaganya

this make me think of something. what if the love from a man decide to leave us, does that mean Allah is giving us a choice of turning back to him for comfort or another man. if i were to choose now, i would choose Allah since His love was so great that u wouldnt feel deprived even if u have to share it. but if its me from before do the deciding, i would no doubt turn to other man for comfort. what a complete fool i am before. but now i know whats in store for me, aftr leaving kms and i'm glad i'm becoming a better person. i am not exactly perfect yet. ther's still time i would prefer doing lagha stuff instead of zikrullah, my playlists are still full with song which has no whatsoever connection to praising Allah, but i'm still trying to change..and permanent changes need time, but most important of all doa' ask Allah to help on improving, being a much better person, InsyaAllah, He will help you. providing ways which will make it easier for u to change. i sincerely hope so. anyway this post does sound gloomy written by a heartbroken person but seriously, i am relieved. maybe by thinking of Allah it soothe your heart. plus i still have the love of other man, and its unconditional for me.. my father..

Terima Kasih Ya Allah kerana sudi menyayangi diri ini,

Terima Kasih Ya Allah kerana sering mendengar pengharapan serta pengaduanku,

terima kasih Ya Allah kerana sering bersama-sama denganku,

x kira apa keadaan imanku,

Sesungguhnya Ya Allah,

cintaku hanya milikMU...

ya rasullullah

would u ever understand?

(pic) credit to :

jeff thomas

azuzephre.net

maybe some wishes are'nt meant to be

i love?

blablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablabla

everyone around me,

gossipping,

commenting,

complaining,

advising,

arguing,

hmmmmm...what?

oh! who do i love?

blablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablabla

they seem to know better,

ASK THEM!

*sigh* i'm better?

feeling better today?

i always do,

...after a major break down

the--he-he *giggle*

snot cry!

ugh! totally gross and ugly.

point is,

its okay to get gross n ugly at times,

when after that u would feel better, then, go on...

move FORWARD!!!!

:)

uh-oh *cough**cough* ("-.-)

wake up today feeling lyke crap,

swollen eyes and heartache,

immunity currently in lowest level,

a sign of me under stress,

TWICE in a MONTH,

fever again...

:(

*sniff* *cough*

p/s: to every mother-to-be, do breast feed ur baby, or u'll regret bout it later, when u cant bear seeing them falling sick so often..

PENGGODA CINTA YANG MALU… � Genta Rasa

PENGGODA CINTA YANG MALU… � Genta Rasa: "TELADAN CINTA KITA

Dia pahlawan yang dimuliakan wajahnya
Dia puteri dari zuriat yang mulia
Ali pewaris keberanian dan kebenaran
Fatimah titipan kesabaran dan kesucian
Persandingan itu…
di pelamin kemiskinan

Fatimah…
Puteri terpuji, isteri teruji,
Suami di medan jihad
Kau bermandi keringat
Jauh-jauh mencari air…di padang pasir
Di sengat sinar mentari
Sedikitpun tidak kau kesali
Untuk suami, kerana Ilahi

Ali…
Pahlawan unggul, ilmuan tersohor,
Syair setajam senjata
Gagah sekukuh kota
Kau kunci gedung nubuwwah
Kau fakir yang pemurah
Kau wira di sebalik selimut hijrah
Berkorban nyawa untuk Rasulullah

Ali & Fatimah…
Subuh itu mereka berdua bertemu Nabi
Lalu diluahkan ketandusan upaya
Betapa tenaga seakan tak mampu lagi
Untuk menanggung beban keluarga
Sudilah kiranya dihadiahkan seorang sahaya

Tersenyum Rasulullah mendengar rintihan
Lalu diberikan zikir sebagai gantian
Tiga kalimat sarat keberkatan
Subhannallah, Alhamdulillah, Alllah hu Akbar
Lalu esoknya mereka datang lagi…
Bersama satu kelapangan dan kekayaan hati
Cukuplah kami tak perlu apa-apa lagi!

Mereka miskin harta tapi kaya jiwa
Sering berpisah tapi tak gundah
Mereka bercinta kerana Allah

Indahnya mempelai di pelamin kemiskinan
Bila bersanding dua kemuliaan..
Seorang lelaki bergelar karamallahuwajjah,
seorang wanita yang az zahrah!"

-dari blog genta rasa karangan pahrol mohd juoi

Birthday its here again oh my gosh I’m finally 19

Yeah, as u all know I’m getting older. I’m nineteen, the last year of my teen life. I haave to really make new changes in me. For instance being more matured and do not depend on others so much like I used too. I also should be making decision using my head and not my heart. Well, I have to kill the girl that you recognize, every single one of you who know me from before. I’m not that charming little lady anymore (am I charming before? Okay its better left unanswered..hehe..) throughout my life, I have been experiencing a good share of happy birthdays, sad birthday but still every single birthdays I had none were clear to me until up to 3 years back. Well, I get a-get-many-present-birtday on my 16th birthday, an exciting mail-post-birthday on my 17th birthday, a well-celebrated-and-oh-too-many-birthday-treat on my 18th birthday, but none has really touches my heart like the celebration of my 19th birthday. Actually, it wasn’t a cool-superb-birthday or a romantic-sweet-birthday, it was a simple-kisses-on-cheek-and-lots-of-card-birthday. Celebrating my birthday at that house were simple yet leaving me feeling rather serene. on the eve of my birthday, accurately on maghrib time, all the kids were waiting for me at the surau, they closed my eyes and led me there. With my eyes closed they sang ALLAH SELAMATKAN KAK FARA for me. I was trying real hard to blink away the tears that had started pooling around my eyes. (what? I’m embarrassed okay, this kids have never seen me shed any tears, far worst bursting into endless snot cry, which would be real ugly..haha) and after that each one of them give me a kiss on cheek. Ookay, admit it that was real sweet, don’t ya think? I thought so too. My phones rung and it was kautsar asking me to send him to hospital since he had a back-ache. As a good sister I did send him to hospital that night. I received text messages from my parents wishing me birthdays, a phone call from my baby sister and she had undergone a series of spooky event because of that phone call, 3 text messages from my friends, and a series of birthday wishes in facebook. That’s it, well u cant say I have a well celebrated birthday but I’m happy. Anyway that night, I’ve found out at the hospital that I have some kind of renitis. Its an allergy, and drinking warm water would make the coughing worst cz it would encourage my lung to expel liquid which also was phlegm, I guess so. and it does came true, strike 12 that night I start coughing rather badly. Really2 cough and I cant sleep. It was disastorous. But when I thought ALLAH would be near the one who was sick, I felt weirdly comforted. And strange as it may seem I love it when I cough. And that’s when I get my first birthday present from aqila and birthday card from hasanah. Well most of the card I received were hand made and you could imagine how will the card looked like. Most of them were kids ranging from age 10 to 15. the cards were cute. Seriously. Downright honest and childish.Kak Wan said, the kids were start doing the cars the night before, right after I went to hospital. So sweet. But some were filled with advice that really affects me deeply. I’ll share with you some of the thought later at the end of this post. And oh, my ustazah’s wish was weird, “hajar, selamat pendek umur”. Luckily I know what it means, since I’ve read, Nota Hati Seorang Lelaki by Pahrol Mohd Juoi. Any way, that’s it about my birthday. I really do have a very happy-smappy birthday this year.

Buatmu mujahidah solehah - dgn kecantikanmu, kau lebih elok dari matahari; dgn akhlakmu, kau lebih wangi dari haruman; dgn rendah hati, kau lebih tinggi dari bulan; kau lebih halus dari rintik; maka pertahankanlah keindahan ini agar kau terus menjadi sayap kiri perjuangan islam,penegak kalam Allah di muka bumi.-kak wan

changing my mind

i've decided not to make my blog private. why? well having a blog means, having a site where yor voices and thought can be heard. it also can be a medium in settelling a da'ie responsbility. eventough i'm not really qualiffied as a da'ie but still by continuing writing this blog, the very least is that i can share all the knowledge that i get throughout my reading and classes attended. so thats why..hurmmm...dats it

today

i get my friend back and it was nice. i'm going back tomorrow. hope everything will be fine.

important announcement

i'm about to closed this blog for selected readers only. why? well now, this is the question that i know the answer. its easy, my journey is beginning. real journey. i have to be unattached to outside world. from anyone who knows me except those who really bother about me. an airplane couldnt start its journey without closing the cabin door right? same thing here. so kindly, follow my blog by clicking on the follow button at the right side of this screen so that i'll have your link and added to the list of my selected readers. thank you.

p/s: closing date 6 april 2010

no mood

why?
entahlah..
cedeyh mungkin...
dont ask why..
i dont know.
ask the one who held my heart.
maybe that sumone know.
dats all for today. thank you.

balik

saya balik ari nie. feri kul 7 mungkin. kena balik awal. kosar ada sukan esok. ha. ha. ha. anyway, tengah berkira2 nk bawak skali no. maxis. hehe. nmpaknye kosongla blog nie untuk mase yang lama. dont miss me. pergh macamla ada yang baca blog nie kan. eyh, mestila ada. awak kn! hik2..daag.

scribbles, scribbles of today

Who knows about twister apple juice? Raise up your hand..hehe..i can see a few hand raised up..well it was the same as the one in tv advertisement but that was orange juice. A little bit unfair for apple juice..dont u think so? But still I’d prefer apple to orange, eventho I had never tasted orange.yeah, I know, I’m being unfair too. Didn’t give orange a chance at all. Whatever. Still its not really my favourite drink, but I’m getting to like it. Why? Don’t ask. You probably don’t wanna know. Basically, I already have a few bottles in my keep most of them were half full and only one was totally finished. Let me tell you how did I have one that completely finished. I was walking that day, from my mom’s school to my house at the middle of the day. Could you imagine how hot it was then? I passed a vendor who sell cold water..yummy! very tempting but I stopped myself from buying cz I’m thinking of buying slurpee in 7-e in front of my house. I went to buy some groceries for the house in the shop next to 7-e. after done with the shopping, I went to 7-e feeling excited cz I get to reward myself at last. But little that I know. When I entered the shop, scratch that I still did not enter, yet I realize the slurpee machine aren’t working. I guess I have to buy another drink, so I decided to buy twister apple. As soon as I’m in home, I drank half bottle of it in one gulp. I was thirsty! Well, this juice would be really nice drank while cold but when I added ice to it, I still don’t like the taste. By adding ice the rich taste of it would disappear. But drinking it not cold, or room temperature wasn’t nice either. The taste were overwhelming. That’s why I have other half full since I don’t drink all whilst it still cold. But still I adore twister apple.

Now, enough about drinks. My day? Hmm.. okay, a bit boring I might say. Hati kan tengah berkecamuk, biasa la kan. kalau lidah tengah pahit semua makanan sedap rase lain. Tapi nasib baik ada beberapa perkara yang merawat hati luka. Hak2. entah pape je kan. karenah mama ayah yang kelakar, ayah yang sangat mesra, yela, everytime sblm ayah g keja, saya salam tangan ayah, and ayah cium pipi. 3 kali..hik2..manje kn? Lantakla.ayah owang. mama pun ok la, klaka. Mcm budak2. hik2. besyh! dan sorang lagi..hik2 awak la. Lepas saya tulis ttg bandslam, awak terus download and tengok. Xsangka. Terharu gak la senarnye. Ada gak yang ambil berat ttg pendapat saya. Terima kasih kerana jadi kawan saya! Pelik kn? Perkenalan kita xlama, tapi serasi. Chiiwah, poyo je kan ayat? Hik2. tapi betol la kn? Spanjang perkenalan kita, 3 kali jek jumpa. Tapi its easy to trust each other. Don’t you think so? Best kn cte bandslam? Will burton sgt comel!!!

Ari tu saya ada dengar ceramah agama, ustaz tu kata seorang ayah, kalau xada perasaan cemburu bila lihat anak perempuan yang masih bawah tanggungjawabnya keluar dengan mendedahkan aurat, tu bermakna ayah itu x sayangkan anaknya. Ayah saya sangat cemburu, bukan setakat kalau keluar xpakai sopan, kalau lebihkan kawan lelaki pown ayah berasa, macam jarang mset or kol ayah, tapi kalau kawan selalu jek. Ayah pernah cakap “dari kecik ayah sayang semua anak2 perempuan ayah, jaga elok2. tapi bila anak2 ayah kenal lelaki, lupa terus kat ayah” menitis air mata dengar. Jahat kan saya nie. Lukakan hati orang yang sangat sayang saya. Sejak saya ada anset baru skang nie, kalau kat luar, ampir ari2 kol ayah. Saje menggedik. Mungkin sebab tu kowt ayah bahagia. Hik2. dapatla tgk lesung pipit ayah, dah senyum manjang jek. Hmm, cakap pasal lesung pipit neyh, mama n ayah both aa lesung pipit. Pelik btol kami anak2nya xmewarisi kecomelan lesung pipit. 2 yang mama n ayah bile senyum manis. Xpuas ati btol! Huh. Nway, sbb 2 kalau anak2 perempuan ayah, bila mama tegur boleh ketegar lagi, tapi bila ayah yang cakap mudah tersentuh. Ayah jarang nasihat kami, selalunye bagi denda. Bila ayah nasihat (which is sgt jarang) suara lembut sangat2. almost like pleading and baru beberapa patah ayah cakap dh merambu air mata. Sya dan adk perempuan saya, same jek. Saya sayang ayah! Mama jugak! Hik2.

Masa hari polis rituh, polis marin wat tahlil. Ayah ajak saya pergi. Saya ikut je la. Sikit je jemaah perempuan, kebanyakannya orang tua. Yang saya pelik antara kalangan jemaah perempuan nie, takut betol nk rapat2kan saf. Kat mane2 pon same la. Kecuali kat surau2 asrama yang semua budak sebaya cz diorang tahu. Tapi xkn makcik2 nie xtahu. Yang paling cedeyh tu. Pakat xnk duduk saf depan sebab xkena kipas. Sya tanya kat makcik 2 “xnk dok depan ke makcik?” makck tu geleng. Sebak pula saya dibuatnye. Serius sadis. Bukan tu jek. Buku yasin 2 selambe2 jek letak atas lantai, nak tegur terang2 takut berasa. Kan semua orang tua. Makcik yang sebelah sya 2 bolehla saya tolong angkatkan. Yang jauh dari saya camane? Betul2lah dah nk kiamat, cz sangat susah nk menegur pada perkara2 yang hak. Mungkin kerana kelemahan diri? Itu tetap diakui, sangat masih perlu ilmu yang banyak jika berniat utk berdakwah. Xpelah. Teruskan usaha! Rasullullah pernah berjanji, Islam itu bermula dengan dagang dan di akhir zaman nanti akan kembali dagang (asing), maka berbahagialah orang-orang yang asing. Lagi satu yang saya pelik. Scenario di mana2 masjid atau surau. Perempuan dia lebih suka seayang sendiri2. kalau lelaki senang jek, masuk jemaah, berimam xkira siapa pun. Kenapa ek? Mungkin ke sebab perempuan nie xbanyak ngaji? Tp kat menara zakat 2 yang p ngaji selalunye yang ramai perempuan. Abis 2 nape ek? Hmmm. Entahlah. Saya pun musykil.

Sampai di sini dulu. Pada yang membaca. Thanx! Hik2

ape kes?

nothing..nothing at all..not important..

sesempurna dahaga, seaneh kejutan

another belle-letres i found today..

meant for school magazine but somehow xjadi..

Kejutan,
Sesuatu perkara yang berlaku,
Tanpa kita sedari sebabnya,
Menghantui diri dengan teka-teki,
Tanpa jawapan.

Dahaga,
satu perkara yang abstrak,
Menggambarkan walau sesempurna manapun
Ssuatu itu,
X mungkin cukup,
Untuk melenyapkannya.

Kau menulis melalui pengalaman,
Aku menulis melalui pengamatan,
Walau 2 falsafah yang berbeza,
Bgku ia tetap sama.

Dahaga dan kejutan,
Seiringan ditemani sayap subjektif,
Menjadikan ia ssuatu yang amat
Sukar ditafsir,
Sesukar tafsiran cinta yang misteri.

Ku abadikan mutiara sinkof itu,
bersama-sama air mata paradoks,
di baluti dengan anehnya kejutan,
di ikat rapi dgn sempurnanya dahaga.
Bagi membuktikan wujudnya tarikan atas keduanya.

Namun entah mengapa,
Balutan rapi itu terungkai,
Kerana keduanya seakan degil,
Magnet dari kutub yang sama lagaknya,
Tidak serasi, tanpa tarikan.
Memansuh segala suratan yang bersilang.

Sejenak aku meneroka,
Lautan pemikiran seakan melemaskan,
Keserasian yang sepertinya
Tak pernah wujud walau seketika.

Merantau,
Menjauh,
Mencari,
Menemui,
Akhirnya…

Dahaga sempurna
Kata lainnya,
Ketamakan tanpa cacat cela,
Kau bermain dengan kosa kata,
Menghijab maksud sebenar,
Penipuan teragung.

Walau kejutan x sesuci yang disangka,
Sekurang-kurangnya aku x berhelah,
Hanya kejujuran meladeninya,
Tidak sukar untuk ditelah,
Spt karutan tentang dahaga.

Walau begitu, aku syukur,
Aku belajar sesuatu yang baru,
Belajar memaafkan dan melupakan,
Itu senjataku hari ini,
Pelindung agar tetap kuat,
Tidak selemah dahulu…

quotes that touches my heart and left me wondering

love someone who love you most..not someone you love most..

woman's heart should be so lost ni her GOD, so that a man had to seek HIM in order to find her.

....dunia diciptakan untuk kita, kita diciptakan untuk akhirat...

and much more..i cant remember..

a story i found after rumagging through my old stuff

actually it was an essay that i've written a long time ago..i jz wanted to write it back..all the character name has nothing to do with anyone alive or deceased..

he was wonderful. he can mesmerize people with his word. all the thought that he keep immortalised by locking it in the form of words and sentence that eventually caught her attentionand touches her heart totally, she wasn't the lit-kind-of-gal. she was cheerful, vulnerable and a bit shallow minded as was childish. but then she changed, she tried to be just like that boy in order to get his attention. and with that the story begins....

"rania! hey, wait up! want to see my latest manuscript? actually its main theme is none other but love"

"hmm. let me see. 'love is subjective but how subjective is subjective'. the tittle seems interesting" ..and complicated, she added silently.

"you can keep it first, after you had finished reading it, then you can give me back"

"ok then, i have to go now. see you later. bye"

"bye"

diraz stood there watching rania as she ran towards her friend trying to catch upwith them. one thing diraz didnt know was, how much rania wanted to stay there and spend much longer time with him but she didnt want her feeling for him be that obvious. he stood there still watching till rania was far enough that he cant see her and then started to walk on towards the library.

**************

...it wouldnt end and comes suddenly without us realising it but still its beauty would stay and it should be shared with the wind..

rania has finished reading diraz's work. it was interesting yet compliccated and was way too hard to be interpreted by a single minded girl lyke rania. well, rania has decided to confess her feelings for diraz by using the same way. writing in meaningful words, but no matter how hard she tried, she cant be lyke him. at last, after trying hard for almost all night, her first work of literature, as it was called, finished. she would give this to diraz tomorrow along with his manuscript.that night rania sleep soundlessly.

now, both diraz and rania have become closer each daybut only via phone, as it was school holiday. Both of them were just friend but the time they spent talking to each other, texting each other were too valueable for rania. diraz once stated that he also adores rania which had successfully swept her off her feet. the continuity of their relationship had made rania believes that diraz felt the same way as she do. suddenly, one day they have quite a big row over small matter. from hat moment, they stopped contacting each other. rania was totally lost.

***************

school starts again, in school, diraz and rania act like they dont know each other. diraz continues to write his own belle-lettres which eventually will be read by rania. but still, diraz style of writing is so complicated. sometimes, rania felt that, all this time she had been cheated by dirz. on the other hand, diraz really doesnt even bother trying to explain things to rania. she was left with complete awkwardness, emptiness yet full of question.

its rania's birthday. she invited all of her friendsto her birthday party. coincidentally, she shared her birthday with atsuko. after being forced by his friend, diraz too was attending rania's birthday party. when he was busy looking out for rania, he saw a glimpse of her talking cheerfully and brightly to khai. out of nowhere, he felt some sort of envy and jealousy, and thats when he realised that he was actually not only adore rania but instead, he has fallen in love with her. that day, he left rania's house without saying a word to anyone.

he wrote another poem.this time he was actually trying to confess about his feeling and the next day, he gave that one-page-length poem to rania and stood there, waiting for her response. like his other manuscript or poem, this one were as complicated. unfortunately, rania was sick of it. she was so sick of being cheated over and over again. after reading it, she returned it back to diraz and said, "whatever" and she walked away...

apple of my eye

check out the new movie that i've watched recently..it has become my new favourite movie..the best movie ever..i would recommend this movie to anyone who would be listening or in this case reading escpecially if you just love music or ska in this matter..and if anyone who wanted to know the apple of my eye, watch diz movie and check the hero in this movie - will burton or gaelan connell in real life..he wasnt the smart looking kind of guy lyke ben wheatly or scott..he was nerdy kind of guy, adorable, sweet, cute, nampak manje and i just looove his "kerinting" hair..scene that i really lyke to watch all over again just to see his cute face was when charlotte broke into his room, show him the phil song then tickle him and his mother enter the room..my fav moment was when he told his mom "someone called me dewey today" CUTE!!! enough about will..the songs were awesome..check it out..


someone to fall back on sung by aly michalka
(its for u..(read;yg penting))
I'll never be
A knight in armor
With a sword in hand,
Or a kamikaze fighter;
Dont count on me
To storm the barricades
And take a stand,
Or hold my ground;
Youll never see
Any scars or wounds -
I dont walk on coals,
I wont walk on water:
I am no prince,
I am no saint,
I am not anyones wildest dream,
But I will stand behind
And be someone to fall back on.

Some comedy -
Youre bruised and beaten down
And Im the one
Whos looking for a favor.
Still, honestly,
You dont believe me
But the things I have
Are the things you need.
You look at me
Like I dont make sense,
Like a waste of time,
Like it serves no purpose -
I am no prince,
I am no saint,
And if thats what you believe you need,
Youre wrong - you dont need much,
You need someone to fall back on...

And Ill be that:
Ill take your side.
If Im the only one,
Im used to that.
Ive been alone,
Id rather be
The half of us,
The least of you,
The best of me.
And I will be
i'll be Your prince,
Ill be your saint,
I will go crashing through fences
In your name. I will, I swear -
Ill be someone to fall back on!
Ill be the one who waits,
And for as long as youll let me,
I will be the one you need.
Ill be someone to fall back on
ill be someone to fall back on
one to fall back on...

everything i own sung by vanessa hudgens

You sheltered me from harm.
Kept me warm, kept me warm
You gave my life to me
Set me free, set me free
The finest years I ever knew
Were all the years I had with you

I would give anything I own,
Give up me life, my heart, my home.
I would give everything I own,
Just to have you once again.

You taught me how to love,
What its of, what its of.
You never said too much,
But still you showed the way,
And I knew from watching you.
Nobody else could ever know
The part of me that cant let go.

And I would give anything I own,
Give up me life, my heart, my home.
I would give everything I own
Just to have you once again.
Just to have you once again.

Is there someone you know,
You're loving them so,
But taking them all for granted.
You may lose them one day,
Someone takes them away,
And they dont hear the words you long to say

I would give anything I own,
Give up me life, my heart, my home.
I would give everything I own
Just to have you once again

in pic (name in movie): ben, sa5m, will, basher(with sunglass), charlotte, omar, bug

cheritera chenta

hmm...entah kenapa untuk post kali ini aku nak guna bahasa ibunda kita..mungkin supaya lebih senang menceritakan segala yang terbuku dengan ketepatan yang paling maksimum..secara jujur hati ini serabut..keliru dengan pelbagai persoalan baru yang muncul..di mana harus mula..hmm..mulakan dengan kehidupanku yang baru bermula..aku katakan baru kerana aku diberikan peluang kedua..ini kehidupan baruku..belum sempurna kerana kini aku masih dalam kepompong..melalui perubahan demi perubahan..setiap yang berlaku disekelilingku menjadi agen atau catalyst untuk aku berubah..terlalu banyak yang berlaku..terkadang binggung aku mengendalikannya..ketiadaan tempat mengadu menyukarkan perjalanan kerana aku perlu tanggung sendiri..mungkin juga kerana aku yang memilih..hanya mahukan teman yang banyak mendengar, tidak bercakap dan cuba memahami aku yang begitu keanak-anakan. yang boleh terima aku yang sememangnya aku..sukar..kalau adapun kawan-kawan aku yang dahulu sudah di mana2 letaknya..sukar dihubungi..mungkin juga sibuk..aku je yang x..sedih mungkin kerana terasa ketinggalan..hmm..hidup sepi, masih mendidik hati untuk tidak cepat melatah, lagipun aku kan perlu banyak bersabar dengan senyuman yang jarang lekang dari wajah walau pelbagai tohmahan, fitnah, perlian yang diterima..xpelah, mmg salah aku pun, knapa aku nak lari..kini buntu..xtahu arah mana harus dituju..harapan mama ayah atau kemahuan diri berserta cita-cita , mina dan peluang..binggung! ustazah kata menurut kata mama ayah mungkin sukar pada mulanya namun jika ikhlas, kerana ALLAH dan mencari redha mma n ayah untuk dapat redha-NYA, insyaAllah berkat..keberkatan yang perlu dicari, berkat itu penting..duit sikit, tapi sentiasa cukup dan hati senang, hidup bahagia..itu pabila berkat hidupnya..duit banyak, xpernah cukup, hati xtenang, hidup celaru..itu tanpa berkat..aku yang membuat pilihan..mungkin kerana aku dibesarkan dalam environment berfikiran liberal atau terbuka..jika xminat kelak akan merana..tapi aku sering lupa kuasa tuhan, Dia mengetahui sesuatu yang kita tidak tahu, jadi untuk apa aku pening..untuk apa aku meragui sedang janji ALLAH itu pasti. ya, itu penyelesaian, mama ayah..

mama..secara lahiriah, apabila dilihat mama memang seorang yang cakap lepas, terkadang nampak ego dan agak melebihkan dunia, mengongkong, jumud bak kata orang sekarang, xberfikiran terbuka, suka berleter..pasti susah buat aku jika punya mama seperti mama tapi entah kenapa ALLAH memberikan mama kelebihan, naluri seorang ibu yang begitu kuat..mungkin kerana mama terlalu ikhlas dalam mendidik kami, xpernah mengharap apa2, sekadar mahu yang terbaik buat kami, kerana itu setiap kali kami membuat salah laku, mama pasti tahu, mama pasti dapat firasat sehingga sepertinya sukar untuk menipu mama..mungkin ada beberapa kali kesilapan kecil kami terlepas, bukan kerana mama xtahu tapi mama buat2 xtahu..malas nak bergaduh itu kata mama..mama melarang aku, kata mama, mama xsuka tengok anak mama terluka, mama tahu anak mama sakit, hati mama sakit tengok anak mama begini..tapi kenapa aku degil..aku tega lukakan hati mama sedang mama takut, paling takut anaknya sakit hanya kerana chenta..hah..aku yang bodoh mungkin..biarlah kalau khalayak mahu kata mamaku begini, mamaku begitu tapi ini mamaku, paling ikhlas menerima aku walau aku cuma ulat bulu yang banyak salah..sentiasa membantu menganyam benang2 membentuk kepompong agar aku bisa berubah..ya..aku perlu berubah..sekurang-kurangnya untuk mama..habis itu kenapa masih ada kegilaan itu? yang telah berlarutan selama 3 hari? kenapa? aku tahu salah aku..xmengapa esok yang terakhir..NOKTAH..

semua mencari..aku hilang..pelik kn? aku hilang rm100 dr bank simpanan nasional..au sedeyh sedang aku simpan duit itu bagi membeli hadiah buat seseorang yang penting bg aku..kini terpaksa aku simpan duit lagi..hadiah telah dibeli tapi masih berhutang..camane aku nak bayar? sedeyh..terpaksa korbankan wang saku yang sedikit..xmengapa..kalu untuk yang penting itu, xterasa beban..tapi aku hipokrit..kenapa aku tidak bersikap begitu pada mama, ayah, adik2ku? aku nekad, akan berubah..aku jahat..jahat pada orang yang sgt sayang aku..aku sgt pentingkan diri..tapi aku marah bila orang lain pentingkan diri..hipokrit kn? knapa aku letak yang penting itu lebih penting dari mama ayahku sedang aku xbegitu penting pada yang penting itu..sekali lagi aku kelihatan bodoh..haha..aku memang..patutnya bodoh jadi middle name aku..eyh xnaklah..nnt jadi doa..aku tarik balik la...aku janji, untuk mama ayah adik2 aku akan kumpul duit dengan usaha yang lebih lagi..aku kena betulkan hati aku..rombak kembali senarai priorities aku..ya! mesti...

aku tahu, penting untuk seorang anak lelaki mengutamakan kedua ibu bapanya kerana tanggungjawab xkn terlepas, itu yang diajarkan islam..aku sedar..tapi kenapa hati masih terkilan atas ucapan itu..masih berbekas lukanya..mungkin kerana hati aku tiada harganya..tidak perlu dijaga langsung..tapi aku bukan sesiapa..xhalal pun baginya..kenapa aku berharap? sekali lagi..aku bodoh..betul kata mama jangan berharap,aku yang akan terluka..tapi aku faham sikapnya, tujuannya, cuma mungkin aku yang bodoh ini xmhu menyesuaikan diri..xapalah..esok yang terakhir..aku perempuan..tapi kenapa begitu murah? aku bodoh..jawapan yang paling tepat! ini satu benang yang membentuk kepompongku agar aku ambil sebagai iktibar..aku hanya menjadi yang terpenting bagi kedua mama ayahku..aku perlu ingat itu...

inilah cerita aku..sebanarnya tidak menyentuh pasal chenta pown..saje jek letak sebagai tittle..supaya boleh tarik perhatian orang yang membaca..entah kenapa..cerita ini mungkin xpenting bagi kamu kerana aku ini bukan yang penting pada kamu..tapi cerita ini penting buat aku..ingatan pada kebodohan aku..supaya aku tidak lupa..

NEW MOON: book vs movie

honestly, among all four books in twilight saga by stephanie meyer, the one which got to be my least favourite was the second installment which is new moon just because it featured less edward and more jacob..i just hate jacob, how hot does he think he is? well, i know he was lyke supa dupa hot, being a werewolves who runs with temperature of one-oh-one but whatever, how can he posibbly think that he could outdo edward who was absurdly handsome, romantic, caring, overly protective..haaa...i juz love edward (note that, i imagine that edward was a very handsome, perfect guy you could ever imagine) and if i ever wanted to repeat reading that novel, i would just read parts of it escpecially the beginning and parts in the end starting from bella stops edward from going out in the sunlight at st marcus day coz it involves edward..basically that was my perception before...hmmm...

right now..after seeing the movie...

i have to admit jacob was so very much hotter than edward is..with boyish look, he captured my heart..i absolutely adore him and would be more than wanting to protect him because he looks cute and vulnerable and just completely adorable!!!! ok, no offense but i just dont think robert pattison suits edward personality..maybe i'm wrong, but he isnt that handsome..ok..thats my sincere thought..whomever think that RP is handsome..so be it, beauty in the eyes of beholder. but i honestly dont think RP suits to be edward...

the storyline...i prefered the book..the movie was slow paced and my brother fall aslept at the middle of the story..yeah, i watch this movie with my brother..and sister, but she was busy doing homework and messaging (using my new phone), so she doesnt count..

all in all, i hate the movie, i adore JACOB BLACK!!!

blessed with love

ever felt that u were surrounded by love? different kind of loves maybe...since there were so many people who might love you..but the way they love you could vary the degree of sweetness or awfulness..depends on how you look at it..but all the same they all care bout you..well, thats exactly what i'm feeling now..i got parents who loves me, who shares my hurts when i'm hurt over something eventough they might be overprotective at times, still they love me..i have sister who loves me for who i am, eventough i'm not as perfect as i was before, all glam and clever still she loves me eventough i've turned into a bitch and didnt let her borrow my ladtop..(what? i'm a person who hold grudges..i have a brother who loves me, keeping my secrets..friends who supported me despite all mistakes i've done..a grandpa who was totally worried bout my future..one ustazah who cares for me lyke her own sister, or daughter and knows me too well, no matter how hard i try to hide how much hurt i am in..adik2 tahfiz who pampered me everytime i was sick..and also a friend who i held dearest to my heart..who might love me unconditionnaly, for me, not for who i pretented to be jz lyke other guy i've fallen for before, he knows me, the only onei dont have to pretend, who i can be perfectly honest to, who handle all my childish complaint with grace (when in good mood) and really an interesting person to be with as we dont share anything in common, but somehow we can still get along just fine...

BUT!! one love that i shouldnt forgot of..unconditional love from my god, ALLAH..and what i should return, but still having problem on trying to really loves ALLAH as my creator, as the one that gives me everything that i had, and a reminder when i'm lost bak kate ustazah, masalah itu, cubitan kasih dari ALLAH supaya kita mengingatiNYA, itu tanda DIA sayang kita hambanye..i'm still improving myself..the first way was to love myself..than i can love ALLAH and everyone else..quoted from a book i've read recently from my favourite author -Pahrol Mohd Juoi (Tentang Cinta) "jika anda selalu jatuh cinta, itu bermakna anda belum berjaya mencintai diri sendiri" that's how i was before, cant stop falling for guys every time..yeah sounds lyke a bitch..i know..just a little small talk, a smile, a kind gesture, some caring stuff and i was stuck..really i do..so i have to stop now, focusing on only one..until i set out to build a bainnati jannati with one guy who loves me because of me and because of ALLAH, so that i can be with him till the end..sound lyke a fairy tale..but i'm sure going to make it happen..loves not based from HIM would be easy to forget and bruised with little argument and i surely doesnt want that..(wouldnt you too? i'm talking to u who talked on phone with me last nite..yes you!)

thats it for now.. i was full of love that i felt a little giddy..hehe..i love myself, and everyone who loves me and ALLAH and HIS prophet MUHAMMAD..

p/s: sorry..really wanted to talk to you but have to refrain myself..till next tyme!! ntah bile la kn, it might be another long tyme..no worries it only make it sweeter...

cny

haha..actually i dont really get my post title. hehe. right now, i'm alone in cyber cafe in city plaza. spending my own time since i nrefuse to hang out with kosar and his friends. what would people think if they saw me with three boys. totally embarassing. so, i decided to have my own leisure time doing what i love most. visiting bookstores! jz lyke what i always did with sumone but now really alone. never mind, i just love books. theyre lyke drugs to me. even i find bookstores has a soothing environment. since i have a really bad weekend, i guess, i deserve a treat. so, i go on escalator until i found popular bookstores and guess what? its empty! i mean not literally empty, its closed because of CNY. so, i'm stuck in this cyber cafe, waiting for calls from kosar, if they were ready to get home. huh. boring. anyway, i'm really hoping i can go to book fair this year since i cant last year. huhu. well, in march my family and i would be going balik kampung. so i really truly hoped, the date would be the same as the book fair and i can go. really hoping so..pray for me too..hehe. dats it. i have to go now. daag. nway i have a really stressfull and exhausting weekend. till later

good nite

tooth-fairy-princess needs her beauy sleep..good nite to everyone..dnt forget to wake up early tomorrow for subuh prayer...ecspecially, ME, myself...

in my blogs theres alot of error, spelling mistakes lyke doctror in my blog title and most recent post shgort was supposed to be short (thanx 2 my no 1 fan for realizing my mistakes n both mistakes were told by this fan. hawk eye. ntah pape jek) anyway, i'm not going to edit it. let it stay there. as a memorial of my carelessness. well, after all dats part of my charm. haha. dat what i said. dat make you interesting. someone said. du-uh, bkan same je kew?

p/s: if lapar, ask ur sweetheart to cook for u la..

post for my fan..inspiring la sangat..haha

now sitting in my living room watching flight plan with apis and kosar. its fun to hang out with them, eventough some tyme they were annoying but mostly funny. haha. anyway, i cant stand the slow pace of this movie, so i decided to check out for spoiler in internet. luckily i stumbled into one. i read it word by word and i show off la. haha. i told them who was the bad guy. turns out sumone you would never expect. to be honest, at first i dont have any idea to write, but since my blog have it own fan demanding for more (yes,i was talking about you, jgn wat2 xtaw plak). right now, i'm watching this movie completely alone. both kosar and apis were fast asleep. so much of wanting to teman. huh. cant be trusted. btw, i learned new word today xtli = actually, haha. this shgort form-ing gives me a headache. seriously how can anyone survive without getting major migrain because of confusion. and just for the record i am not old citizen keyh, only old-school a lil bit. get something to eat la! ok. dh blank balek. full stop. the end.

check this out....new song by corbin bleu

moments that matters by corbin bleu


Looking back on a photo album of my life
It's the little things that make us smile
That, that, that, that make us smile

Like the very first time that you discovered true love
It's a feeling you can't describe
But it always stays on your mind

Or the first time you hear a song on the radio
that gives you goose bumps all over from head to toe or the time you stayed up all night talking on the phone and you looked up
and realize she's staring
at the same star as you are

{Chorus}
'Cause that's what gets me sentimental (Sentimental)
That's what life is all about (Yeah, Yeah)
That's what gets me all emotional
More than all the things I can do without
cause I figured out,these are the moments that matter, matter

(refrain)
And I figured out, that these are the moments that mean the most to me
Cuz I know I got friends , trust, family, and love all around me that should be enough and I figured out these are the moments that matter to me

The one thing that I cherish when I'm on the road is I know Im never alone
Just look around at sunsets and waterfalls and you know that Gods very close(cause the worlds full of miracles)

Its like the first time that I learned my history
Cuz my dad took the time, took my eyes , broke it down for me
I still remember my mother askin me how my day went
when I came home from school and these are some sweet memory
(chorus)
(Refrain)

Keep people you love close to you ,
Cuz when it gets tough the'll help you pull through,
no Don't let anybody take your moment from you
Cuz thats all that matters in the end

tinker bell

lv dz movie..i watched it recently in astro..and the song by selena gomez..just love the scenery in this videoclip..hope there were really places likes that which could be mine..only mine..so i can relax, read, cry my hearts out..scream and whatnot..jz kidding..



jz so u noe..i'm not worrying anymore...hehe..i jz got a phonecall..thanks god..haha..ya ALLAH..plz jz keep the one i love safe...

i'm at home

shocked? its true...
..right now i have 2 swollen eyes..both are extremely itchy and watery..
everytime i woke up i cant opened my eyes
i have headache, backache, stomachache
to top it all
.........
i am worried lyke crazy, but i dunno why
xxxxxxxxxxx
..hope the one i love is alright..

my driving skills was totally bad

now its 16:07 and i'm still at home..i was supposed to get back to derga today, but my mom said she'll send me and kausar to jetty after she was done with tuisyen..well, the reason was, we dont have to catch the bus, so theres no need to rush..hahaha..so here i am..vandalizing my blog with my babbling...i'm going to leave my blog for a long tyme..why not add another post..right? oookay, lets go trough a series of event why i say my driving skills were bad...

III
the front tyre of my car slipped into the drain in front of cawangan HPA in Shahab Perdana, luckily the abang from HPA's stokis helped us..but he laughed at me...huhu..*blush*

II
at traffic lights, engine will stop, 3 times in a row and i get honked every time..its just because i forgot to change the gear..silly me..

II
i almost slide back when stopped in the middle of bukit..i forgot the skills..luckily ayh was with me at dat tyme..not to forget..i get honked again..

I
dz i saved for the last..i had an accident with a motorist..huhu..chinese..at that tyme i was alone..i dunno what to do..i was driving and i came by a cornerand i go left into the main road without actually stopping at the junction..i didnt see the motorist..at first i hear series of honking and then..BAM!!!..the motorist hit me at the back of my car..i was totally afraid that i admit i was guilty..at that tyme two malay guys stop..at first, the chinese guys was nagging by himself..marah2...i was scared..after looking at me, he cools down almost immediately..thank God..the two malay guy who stopped earlier help me solved the problem, and dat chinese guy said, he would not charge me of anything just the repair's cost of his motor..unfortunately i dnt bring my money at that tyme..but before we could discuss more that malay guy suggested that we take this matter to somewhere else cz there was a traffic officer near..the older looking guy said to me, "adk follow jek dye pergi bengkel motor, pakcik follow blakang"..so i went, driving slowly, following the chinese guy..at the workshop, the mechanic says to repair it will cost rm28, still i dnt have money..and oh, the malay guy who follows me was not the older one but the younger loking one..he asked me how much, and i tell him, i told him bout me leaving money at hostels..the next thing i noe, he handed me rm50 note..cn u believe it? i gave the money to that uncle and it was settled..then i turned to that guy who was sitting on his motor with badminton bag around his shoulder..this was the conversation between me and him (i'm not translating it cz i'm exhausted now..cant think straight)..
terima kasih ea, saya nak ganti nie macammana?
eyh..xpyah..btol xpyah..
knape plak cam2, namenye ape ea?
awak bdak insaniah?
eyh, x..tahfiz..tahfiz derga..
owh kalu cam2 xpelah, xpyah ganti balek..sya dari insaniah
owh, blaja kat insaniah?
x bekas..baru jek habis..skang ckgu kat srida..yang tadi 2 pown ckgu srida..bru balek dari men badminton
owh..betul ke nie xpe?
xpe2...
terima kasih la ea..
and then i asked him how to get out from there..what? i dunno the road okayh...he shows me the way until we came back to the main road..-end of story-

what i learned was ALLAH wanted to teach me a lesson but He also gve me way out..i should be really grateful.and one more thing..my apperance was what saved me today..the older-looking-malay-guy said before," sbab nmpak adk nie yg terlibat, tu yg pakcik berenti 2" subhanallah..its a good thing i wore appropriate attire..nmpak sopan..chiiiwah, orang xkberatan nk tlg...hehe..joking..whatever it is..i know ALLAH loves me...guess i have to stop..i'm sorry cz less dramatic effect in my post..i'm a bit tired and my sight is a lil bit hazy cz..my eyes were swollen and ache and red in colour..so much of being strong when taking care ustzh n k.wan..need my beauty rest..till later...

hajar stories *updated*

its been so long sice i added stroies bout hajar..ok, actually hajar is me and i am hajar..its my ustazah's nickname for me..she said that farah doesnt suit me..farah means kegirangan(happy), well phsically i looked happy..well, for those who knows me, u'll understand right? but she said, inside..a total havoc..she was hoping dat i would be as strong as siti hajar when she was left alone with his son prophet Ismail a.s by her very own husband..well i guess most of the muslims are familiar with this story..guess theres no need to explain more..basically she (ustzh fatimah) wanted me to be strong cz honestly my earlier days in derga, i am a mess..a total mess..making jokes, attempt of laughter and smiles yet silently crying..seriusly dat was my dark ages...hope it'll pass soon..no need to revisit it...dats when lyfe taught me the first lesson...why is it in heaven, there are no bad feelings such as envy and stuff eventough we might see some other people get higher level heaven than us..the only not-really-that-bad feeling in heaven was regret..i must tell you..the feeling of regret was the worst...invisible knife which ept on slicing your heart ecspecially when its your own fault..eventough you still try to find others to blame..deep in ur heart u noe..u're the one..the only one that should be blamed..no one else..dats what i feel..and was hoping in the future i'll not be doing another mistakes which would make me regret ever so deeply..escpcially, i dont want to regret it when i was brought upon ALLAH for judgement..so i have to realize and keep thinking with my brain akal and not lust nafsu...ok..too many info..now lets start with the stories

the first week of january, i'm getting a bit tired whats with so many new student registered in MTQD..well, i'm not ustazah but i'm quite busy since ustazah rely on me a lot..well among all of her student i'm the most talkative..so talking to parents, ensuring the new students could blend in and adhust theirselves to new surrounding..bla..bla..bla..yeah, i noe, my job was boring...but dats fine...well, what can i say from my observation of this new kids, nowadays kids were spoilt..totally spoilt brat..hmmmm...and nowadys parents really soft..what their parents want, they gve even ridicolous request...whatever..anyway they were exciting group of people..most interesting was 2 siblings from indonesia..its hilarious..and i'm totally embarassed..really i do..why? well.. actually those 2 girls came with two women..and i asked are both of them siblings..and one of the women says "yes, they were siblings", so i ask one of them..(i picked the thin one as she knows more bout the girls than the plump one).."so, u r the mother?" she nodded, "yes" and my stupid mouth couldnt stop at that and asked the plump one "and..u are..?"
she laughed, and says "mamanye jgak, saya mama no 4 yang itu mama no 2" (i used the exact word and not translating it to preserve the dramatic effect) and, i was lyked totally embarassed..who would have guess they were madu..they get along just fine..and one of the girl who will be studying in derga is the daughter of mama no 3..OMG..i noe...shocking right..all mama no 1, no 2 and no 3 are currently living in Indonesia cz their father has a tahfiz school there..and mama no 4, who happens to not have any child is living in Malaysia..she took cares of every son and daughters of his husband who were futhering their study here in Malaysia and another trivia..all mama 1, 2 and 3 lives in the same house..wow..this shows that polygamy couldnt be that bad..maybe it wasnt that bad..if u're the first one..i wonder if i would handle my husband married another woman with so much patient..i know, my mom wouldnt even tolerate but ustazah saiid she doesnt mind..experiencing and knowing thoughts of different women make me think, who would i be lyke..right now, i may say lyke i..maybe, just maybe..be lyke ustzh..but i'm not really in dat situaion..i'm not married, so i dont know..well, i'll save the answer till later..after i get married, i'll tell whether i'm willing to share my hubby or not...yeah..later...
back to the girls, when i asked them, how many siblings do they have..they took about 60 seconds thinking with counting gesture using their fingers and finally said, about 22....OMG..i was shocked!..hahaha..

next, owh..about election..well basically with new students, we are now 16 people in the house not including 2 ustazah...well another one, ustzh salwa is not teaching..she is a teacher in local primary school..a friend of the principal's wife...she was lyke warden i must say...anyway with so many people the disicpline..urgh..bad..really bad..so many problems and fights among them..escpeial the 15-years-0ld-girls...there were 7 of them and yet friends problem still arise..when A close with B, C jealous and so on..urgh...and when they have problem lyke dat..they refuses to eat..majokla kononnye..i told u so..spoilt brat..silly teenage problem..as silly as it may seem, ustazah and i have a really hard tyme trying to solve it...*sigh*..to lessen the discipline problem (being late for class, late for solat, late for showers, forgot to do the dishes or cooked rice etc..well thats our kind of discipline problem) ustazah decide to set up a student council sort of lyke LDPs from our MRSM era..and the election was mengejut (i dnt have matching vocab, its better then if i used shocking or spot as in spot-election) even i didnt know..and the form, it was handwritten by ustazah..yeah, old school..we dont use cmputer or printer or photostat machine here...hehe..anyway the reasult, i won as head girl with 15 vote (come on, the other missing 1 vote was my vote..du'uh..i cant vote for myself...haha..even if i intended to do at first) and now i became head girl..hahaha..well i'm not the eldest but maybe i'm the mouth piece..every little thing with ustz or any male was handled by me..others was too shy..hahamaybe its the fact dat i have car..its not my car, its mama's..i was borrowing it..hehe..talking bout car..my driving skills completely bad..i'll tell about it in other post..

dats it..it brings us to the most recent week..ustzh and kak wan have red eyes problem..so, i'm the nurse..acting strong lyke i wouldnt get the same sickness..then, my tok wan is dead..and now i'm at home holidaying..dats it..end of story..

before i stop, i would really love to share a quote from one ustaz. he was giving lecture in menara zakat and i found this quote really interesting..think about it...

"dunia bagai penjara buat orang mukmin, syurga buat orang kafir"

holiday 2..pic from mama's cam...hehe

ooooookay, the electric is back on!! i'm uploading moore pic..yeay!!! behold dis were the first batch of changing caterpillar-me-...behold....haha

be4 gOing

fatin trying the cute post..she forgot the first step..biGgiNg her eyes...

bot rampasan..our transport to pRegNaNT MAIdEN IsLAnD...no roof..and its hot *sigh*

oN the WaYyyyYeaYY..

mama wat comel..less in 15 minutes, mama will changed into mermaid!! haha..mama goes with a mission...so that mama cn get pregnant..to gve me a new adik!!! YEAY!! haha..

kosar melayan jiwang...chiiiwah...

gurlz yg cute..(from below) jiha, ftn and..the cutest among all..me!!!
(note dat cute means; ugly but adorable)

ayh..ala2 hero hindustan gitu..*pheewiittt*

....kwn kosar..(they were cute tho and aggresive i might tell you)

the first thing i thought looking into this pic was -ganjil dlm kebiasaan-
what nabi Muhammad promises comes true..islam kmbali dagang..

well..thats my stories..till later..huhu...

holiday..

Its already 3 weeks in january 2010..i still cant seem to grasp the fact that we’re in different year..different era than 2009..haha..maybe dats why I cant get the-holiday-last-year-idea-for-post out of my mind…ok basically it had been long passed but I still wanted to write about it..since I don’t have time to get it right since I was busy..really, whats with my engagement party, election, fitting session with my wedding dress designer, appointment with my dentist..bla..bla…(doesn’t I sound really busy? Just joking…4 the record, I’m not engaged and so not getting married..yet…haha) actually I’m busy being me..u noe, all the typical teenage stuff..anyway back to the main issue..last December was the BEST holiday I ever had (it’s a bit hyperbolic..i noe..but I’m trying to make it sounds interesting..too much exaggeration I must say) for the first time, my family went for a family trip..seriously a family trip, for us to have fun together(most of it together ut at some tyme ayh prefers fish than us..huh..*pout*) no other motivation lyke it used to be with our so-called family trips before, before this…but its not just us..we went there with a friend of ayh and his family of course..our first stop was pregnant maiden island or better known as, PULAU DAYANG BUNTING…actually I was curious bout the lake..bout it was separated from the sea with barely sand..i was hoping I could see the magic barrier but till later I dunno that I cant..lets get back to it later…we went there with a boat..no roof I must tell you and basically that boat was actually a rampasan boat..it carries about 30 kg drug –morphine I guess..but when we board the boat its so not there..are u crazy? Going to dyg bunting with that much drug? I might be insane sometimes but I’m not crazy…long story short we arrived at pulau dyg bunting..but its very hard to fnd a parking spot cz theres already many boats around the small jetty..the boats were used to bring tourist who registered and paid them to be brought there..well this boats have roofs, ours don’t..so along the way going to pulau dayang bunting we had become the centre of attention(I thought so) I dunno why they were looking as if they had never seen a sweet girls lyke us… me and ftn and jiha(talking bout underappreciated..huhu) at first I thought they were just jealous since our boat was bigger with fewer people so we can moved about freely (but I don’t dare, I’m afraid of falling into the sea..i cant swim u noe..huhu) but then, mama said they pity us cz our boat doesn’t have roof..huhu..

After docking and we were out of the boat, ayh and his friend wanted to go fishing, which means leaving us here…if we’re ready to go back, just gve them a call..if only we knew at that tyme…arghhh..hehe..and then we walk and walk and walk to the “pelantar” going up and down so many treacherous steps, I feel lyke my legs might broke because of too much walking..we came to the “pelantar”…at last..huhu..there were solar boat, paddle boat, slipping ur feet into the lake where all the keli-looked-alike fish playing on ur feet (only if u have something to offer them such as bread or biscuits) atfirst I dunno what to do..and then I searced for my mama..and I was shocked, she was nowhere to be seen..just in a blink of eyes she disappeared..just lyke dat..at one tyme you see her and then she was gone..with a high level of panic I ran to the spot I saw her just a few seconds before..and oh my, what did I found? A round plumpy mermaid in the lake..haha..so my mama jump into the lake lyke most of the people there did..a very panic and mysterious incident indeed..hahahahaha…I almost get a heart attack..to see the magic barrier we have to rent the paddle boat..2 people rm 15..we’re 4 people at that time..me, ftn, kosar and jiha..we don’t have any money at all..we aske mama..and what shocked us she gves us the money enough for one paddle boat..so I was being a big sister and all said, “u all go ahead..akak xnk naik la”…hahaha..ftn refuses to go if I don’t..jiha too..so that leaves kosar alone..being a big boy and stuff, he’s a coward at heart..trust me!..so we try to apply a higher budget from the bank..and shockingly again..it was approved..now we have rm30, enough or two boats…yeay!!!..so we went there and asked for two boats..all boats have been rented, we have to wait another half an hour..huhu..so, we wander around..ftn ask me, if I wanted to dip my feet into the lake, but I refused since I don’t bring extra pair of socks..i don’t want to strip off my socks cz thinking bout it only make my stomach flutter..i’m embarresed..dunno why..so at last I’m the only one who had not have chance with the keli look alike fish..nah, its ok..maybe some other tyme..after messing around and taking afew pic..we went back..enduring another flight of disastrous steps…when we try to call ayh, wallah, no service!!! So we have to wait till ayh came..huhu..bored waiting we took pic..again..and listen to jiha’s singing and exchange ridiculous riddles..haha..

trying the cute pose..haha..lyke hazieqa said in her fb profile

"....bigging my eyes and pout my lips like most of you did..u know, the "cute" pose that is so popular with disney loving underaged immature teens"

ikan keli look alike

pelantar

disastorous steps..ftn in pink..kosar in green..me? taking this photo of course

love me some i..was thinking of another what not pose..but to many people around..huhu

After waiting for almost 45 minutes ayh came..excitedly we went to board the boat which will bring us to next stop..a beach..when we arrived at the spot, there were two choices, whether to go to the right side where all the tourists go..or to the left side where the beach is completely deserted..basically we went to the left side..haha..heaven!! we have the beach for ourselves, lyke our own private beach..it was the best..on this beach we don’t take any pic..since its inappropriate..haha..theres no one on the beach except us..what do u think we would do…hehe…actually, at first, I wasn’t planning on swimming, I was sitting on the edge of the beach to feel the waves..then, I thought, I brought with me another pairs of slacks, so it will be ok if I sit..just sit in the water..after some tyme I thought..lets go deeper, its ok..i wont let my tudung got wet..and so on..until at last..i ended up swimming with kausar..haha..so much of do not want to get wet..maybe that’s the best analogy on why we have to avoid syubhah’s stuff..it will led us bit by bit towars the haram’s stuff, until at last we’ll end up doing the haram’s stuff..lyfe teachec me a lesson again..we were at the beach from 12:30 to 2:00, imagine how dark I get basking in the sun lyke dat…huhu..i’m still hibernating in my house till now to get my light coloured skin back..huhu…without rinsing our salt-watered-wet body + clothes, we jumped on our boat and headed back..journey home was painful..cz the waves are rough and I get hentak2 on the boat..i suffered back ache for about 2 days after dat..it hurts..=(

Dats it..our little journey..owh..and the rm30 mama gives us, kosar lost it while swimming in our private beach..and we get to be scolded by mom all the way home in car..pity us? Series of unfortunate events….hmmmmm…well at least we enjoyed it..very much..and we make new friend with jiha and her brother…

p/s: actually theres so much photos left to be shared but i dont have tyme...its 2 minutes to 10 o'clock..and at ten..we will experienced blacklout...so..till later..tooodles..