balik

saya balik ari nie. feri kul 7 mungkin. kena balik awal. kosar ada sukan esok. ha. ha. ha. anyway, tengah berkira2 nk bawak skali no. maxis. hehe. nmpaknye kosongla blog nie untuk mase yang lama. dont miss me. pergh macamla ada yang baca blog nie kan. eyh, mestila ada. awak kn! hik2..daag.

scribbles, scribbles of today

Who knows about twister apple juice? Raise up your hand..hehe..i can see a few hand raised up..well it was the same as the one in tv advertisement but that was orange juice. A little bit unfair for apple juice..dont u think so? But still I’d prefer apple to orange, eventho I had never tasted orange.yeah, I know, I’m being unfair too. Didn’t give orange a chance at all. Whatever. Still its not really my favourite drink, but I’m getting to like it. Why? Don’t ask. You probably don’t wanna know. Basically, I already have a few bottles in my keep most of them were half full and only one was totally finished. Let me tell you how did I have one that completely finished. I was walking that day, from my mom’s school to my house at the middle of the day. Could you imagine how hot it was then? I passed a vendor who sell cold water..yummy! very tempting but I stopped myself from buying cz I’m thinking of buying slurpee in 7-e in front of my house. I went to buy some groceries for the house in the shop next to 7-e. after done with the shopping, I went to 7-e feeling excited cz I get to reward myself at last. But little that I know. When I entered the shop, scratch that I still did not enter, yet I realize the slurpee machine aren’t working. I guess I have to buy another drink, so I decided to buy twister apple. As soon as I’m in home, I drank half bottle of it in one gulp. I was thirsty! Well, this juice would be really nice drank while cold but when I added ice to it, I still don’t like the taste. By adding ice the rich taste of it would disappear. But drinking it not cold, or room temperature wasn’t nice either. The taste were overwhelming. That’s why I have other half full since I don’t drink all whilst it still cold. But still I adore twister apple.

Now, enough about drinks. My day? Hmm.. okay, a bit boring I might say. Hati kan tengah berkecamuk, biasa la kan. kalau lidah tengah pahit semua makanan sedap rase lain. Tapi nasib baik ada beberapa perkara yang merawat hati luka. Hak2. entah pape je kan. karenah mama ayah yang kelakar, ayah yang sangat mesra, yela, everytime sblm ayah g keja, saya salam tangan ayah, and ayah cium pipi. 3 kali..hik2..manje kn? Lantakla.ayah owang. mama pun ok la, klaka. Mcm budak2. hik2. besyh! dan sorang lagi..hik2 awak la. Lepas saya tulis ttg bandslam, awak terus download and tengok. Xsangka. Terharu gak la senarnye. Ada gak yang ambil berat ttg pendapat saya. Terima kasih kerana jadi kawan saya! Pelik kn? Perkenalan kita xlama, tapi serasi. Chiiwah, poyo je kan ayat? Hik2. tapi betol la kn? Spanjang perkenalan kita, 3 kali jek jumpa. Tapi its easy to trust each other. Don’t you think so? Best kn cte bandslam? Will burton sgt comel!!!

Ari tu saya ada dengar ceramah agama, ustaz tu kata seorang ayah, kalau xada perasaan cemburu bila lihat anak perempuan yang masih bawah tanggungjawabnya keluar dengan mendedahkan aurat, tu bermakna ayah itu x sayangkan anaknya. Ayah saya sangat cemburu, bukan setakat kalau keluar xpakai sopan, kalau lebihkan kawan lelaki pown ayah berasa, macam jarang mset or kol ayah, tapi kalau kawan selalu jek. Ayah pernah cakap “dari kecik ayah sayang semua anak2 perempuan ayah, jaga elok2. tapi bila anak2 ayah kenal lelaki, lupa terus kat ayah” menitis air mata dengar. Jahat kan saya nie. Lukakan hati orang yang sangat sayang saya. Sejak saya ada anset baru skang nie, kalau kat luar, ampir ari2 kol ayah. Saje menggedik. Mungkin sebab tu kowt ayah bahagia. Hik2. dapatla tgk lesung pipit ayah, dah senyum manjang jek. Hmm, cakap pasal lesung pipit neyh, mama n ayah both aa lesung pipit. Pelik btol kami anak2nya xmewarisi kecomelan lesung pipit. 2 yang mama n ayah bile senyum manis. Xpuas ati btol! Huh. Nway, sbb 2 kalau anak2 perempuan ayah, bila mama tegur boleh ketegar lagi, tapi bila ayah yang cakap mudah tersentuh. Ayah jarang nasihat kami, selalunye bagi denda. Bila ayah nasihat (which is sgt jarang) suara lembut sangat2. almost like pleading and baru beberapa patah ayah cakap dh merambu air mata. Sya dan adk perempuan saya, same jek. Saya sayang ayah! Mama jugak! Hik2.

Masa hari polis rituh, polis marin wat tahlil. Ayah ajak saya pergi. Saya ikut je la. Sikit je jemaah perempuan, kebanyakannya orang tua. Yang saya pelik antara kalangan jemaah perempuan nie, takut betol nk rapat2kan saf. Kat mane2 pon same la. Kecuali kat surau2 asrama yang semua budak sebaya cz diorang tahu. Tapi xkn makcik2 nie xtahu. Yang paling cedeyh tu. Pakat xnk duduk saf depan sebab xkena kipas. Sya tanya kat makcik 2 “xnk dok depan ke makcik?” makck tu geleng. Sebak pula saya dibuatnye. Serius sadis. Bukan tu jek. Buku yasin 2 selambe2 jek letak atas lantai, nak tegur terang2 takut berasa. Kan semua orang tua. Makcik yang sebelah sya 2 bolehla saya tolong angkatkan. Yang jauh dari saya camane? Betul2lah dah nk kiamat, cz sangat susah nk menegur pada perkara2 yang hak. Mungkin kerana kelemahan diri? Itu tetap diakui, sangat masih perlu ilmu yang banyak jika berniat utk berdakwah. Xpelah. Teruskan usaha! Rasullullah pernah berjanji, Islam itu bermula dengan dagang dan di akhir zaman nanti akan kembali dagang (asing), maka berbahagialah orang-orang yang asing. Lagi satu yang saya pelik. Scenario di mana2 masjid atau surau. Perempuan dia lebih suka seayang sendiri2. kalau lelaki senang jek, masuk jemaah, berimam xkira siapa pun. Kenapa ek? Mungkin ke sebab perempuan nie xbanyak ngaji? Tp kat menara zakat 2 yang p ngaji selalunye yang ramai perempuan. Abis 2 nape ek? Hmmm. Entahlah. Saya pun musykil.

Sampai di sini dulu. Pada yang membaca. Thanx! Hik2

ape kes?

nothing..nothing at all..not important..

sesempurna dahaga, seaneh kejutan

another belle-letres i found today..

meant for school magazine but somehow xjadi..

Kejutan,
Sesuatu perkara yang berlaku,
Tanpa kita sedari sebabnya,
Menghantui diri dengan teka-teki,
Tanpa jawapan.

Dahaga,
satu perkara yang abstrak,
Menggambarkan walau sesempurna manapun
Ssuatu itu,
X mungkin cukup,
Untuk melenyapkannya.

Kau menulis melalui pengalaman,
Aku menulis melalui pengamatan,
Walau 2 falsafah yang berbeza,
Bgku ia tetap sama.

Dahaga dan kejutan,
Seiringan ditemani sayap subjektif,
Menjadikan ia ssuatu yang amat
Sukar ditafsir,
Sesukar tafsiran cinta yang misteri.

Ku abadikan mutiara sinkof itu,
bersama-sama air mata paradoks,
di baluti dengan anehnya kejutan,
di ikat rapi dgn sempurnanya dahaga.
Bagi membuktikan wujudnya tarikan atas keduanya.

Namun entah mengapa,
Balutan rapi itu terungkai,
Kerana keduanya seakan degil,
Magnet dari kutub yang sama lagaknya,
Tidak serasi, tanpa tarikan.
Memansuh segala suratan yang bersilang.

Sejenak aku meneroka,
Lautan pemikiran seakan melemaskan,
Keserasian yang sepertinya
Tak pernah wujud walau seketika.

Merantau,
Menjauh,
Mencari,
Menemui,
Akhirnya…

Dahaga sempurna
Kata lainnya,
Ketamakan tanpa cacat cela,
Kau bermain dengan kosa kata,
Menghijab maksud sebenar,
Penipuan teragung.

Walau kejutan x sesuci yang disangka,
Sekurang-kurangnya aku x berhelah,
Hanya kejujuran meladeninya,
Tidak sukar untuk ditelah,
Spt karutan tentang dahaga.

Walau begitu, aku syukur,
Aku belajar sesuatu yang baru,
Belajar memaafkan dan melupakan,
Itu senjataku hari ini,
Pelindung agar tetap kuat,
Tidak selemah dahulu…

quotes that touches my heart and left me wondering

love someone who love you most..not someone you love most..

woman's heart should be so lost ni her GOD, so that a man had to seek HIM in order to find her.

....dunia diciptakan untuk kita, kita diciptakan untuk akhirat...

and much more..i cant remember..

a story i found after rumagging through my old stuff

actually it was an essay that i've written a long time ago..i jz wanted to write it back..all the character name has nothing to do with anyone alive or deceased..

he was wonderful. he can mesmerize people with his word. all the thought that he keep immortalised by locking it in the form of words and sentence that eventually caught her attentionand touches her heart totally, she wasn't the lit-kind-of-gal. she was cheerful, vulnerable and a bit shallow minded as was childish. but then she changed, she tried to be just like that boy in order to get his attention. and with that the story begins....

"rania! hey, wait up! want to see my latest manuscript? actually its main theme is none other but love"

"hmm. let me see. 'love is subjective but how subjective is subjective'. the tittle seems interesting" ..and complicated, she added silently.

"you can keep it first, after you had finished reading it, then you can give me back"

"ok then, i have to go now. see you later. bye"

"bye"

diraz stood there watching rania as she ran towards her friend trying to catch upwith them. one thing diraz didnt know was, how much rania wanted to stay there and spend much longer time with him but she didnt want her feeling for him be that obvious. he stood there still watching till rania was far enough that he cant see her and then started to walk on towards the library.

**************

...it wouldnt end and comes suddenly without us realising it but still its beauty would stay and it should be shared with the wind..

rania has finished reading diraz's work. it was interesting yet compliccated and was way too hard to be interpreted by a single minded girl lyke rania. well, rania has decided to confess her feelings for diraz by using the same way. writing in meaningful words, but no matter how hard she tried, she cant be lyke him. at last, after trying hard for almost all night, her first work of literature, as it was called, finished. she would give this to diraz tomorrow along with his manuscript.that night rania sleep soundlessly.

now, both diraz and rania have become closer each daybut only via phone, as it was school holiday. Both of them were just friend but the time they spent talking to each other, texting each other were too valueable for rania. diraz once stated that he also adores rania which had successfully swept her off her feet. the continuity of their relationship had made rania believes that diraz felt the same way as she do. suddenly, one day they have quite a big row over small matter. from hat moment, they stopped contacting each other. rania was totally lost.

***************

school starts again, in school, diraz and rania act like they dont know each other. diraz continues to write his own belle-lettres which eventually will be read by rania. but still, diraz style of writing is so complicated. sometimes, rania felt that, all this time she had been cheated by dirz. on the other hand, diraz really doesnt even bother trying to explain things to rania. she was left with complete awkwardness, emptiness yet full of question.

its rania's birthday. she invited all of her friendsto her birthday party. coincidentally, she shared her birthday with atsuko. after being forced by his friend, diraz too was attending rania's birthday party. when he was busy looking out for rania, he saw a glimpse of her talking cheerfully and brightly to khai. out of nowhere, he felt some sort of envy and jealousy, and thats when he realised that he was actually not only adore rania but instead, he has fallen in love with her. that day, he left rania's house without saying a word to anyone.

he wrote another poem.this time he was actually trying to confess about his feeling and the next day, he gave that one-page-length poem to rania and stood there, waiting for her response. like his other manuscript or poem, this one were as complicated. unfortunately, rania was sick of it. she was so sick of being cheated over and over again. after reading it, she returned it back to diraz and said, "whatever" and she walked away...

apple of my eye

check out the new movie that i've watched recently..it has become my new favourite movie..the best movie ever..i would recommend this movie to anyone who would be listening or in this case reading escpecially if you just love music or ska in this matter..and if anyone who wanted to know the apple of my eye, watch diz movie and check the hero in this movie - will burton or gaelan connell in real life..he wasnt the smart looking kind of guy lyke ben wheatly or scott..he was nerdy kind of guy, adorable, sweet, cute, nampak manje and i just looove his "kerinting" hair..scene that i really lyke to watch all over again just to see his cute face was when charlotte broke into his room, show him the phil song then tickle him and his mother enter the room..my fav moment was when he told his mom "someone called me dewey today" CUTE!!! enough about will..the songs were awesome..check it out..


someone to fall back on sung by aly michalka
(its for u..(read;yg penting))
I'll never be
A knight in armor
With a sword in hand,
Or a kamikaze fighter;
Dont count on me
To storm the barricades
And take a stand,
Or hold my ground;
Youll never see
Any scars or wounds -
I dont walk on coals,
I wont walk on water:
I am no prince,
I am no saint,
I am not anyones wildest dream,
But I will stand behind
And be someone to fall back on.

Some comedy -
Youre bruised and beaten down
And Im the one
Whos looking for a favor.
Still, honestly,
You dont believe me
But the things I have
Are the things you need.
You look at me
Like I dont make sense,
Like a waste of time,
Like it serves no purpose -
I am no prince,
I am no saint,
And if thats what you believe you need,
Youre wrong - you dont need much,
You need someone to fall back on...

And Ill be that:
Ill take your side.
If Im the only one,
Im used to that.
Ive been alone,
Id rather be
The half of us,
The least of you,
The best of me.
And I will be
i'll be Your prince,
Ill be your saint,
I will go crashing through fences
In your name. I will, I swear -
Ill be someone to fall back on!
Ill be the one who waits,
And for as long as youll let me,
I will be the one you need.
Ill be someone to fall back on
ill be someone to fall back on
one to fall back on...

everything i own sung by vanessa hudgens

You sheltered me from harm.
Kept me warm, kept me warm
You gave my life to me
Set me free, set me free
The finest years I ever knew
Were all the years I had with you

I would give anything I own,
Give up me life, my heart, my home.
I would give everything I own,
Just to have you once again.

You taught me how to love,
What its of, what its of.
You never said too much,
But still you showed the way,
And I knew from watching you.
Nobody else could ever know
The part of me that cant let go.

And I would give anything I own,
Give up me life, my heart, my home.
I would give everything I own
Just to have you once again.
Just to have you once again.

Is there someone you know,
You're loving them so,
But taking them all for granted.
You may lose them one day,
Someone takes them away,
And they dont hear the words you long to say

I would give anything I own,
Give up me life, my heart, my home.
I would give everything I own
Just to have you once again

in pic (name in movie): ben, sa5m, will, basher(with sunglass), charlotte, omar, bug

cheritera chenta

hmm...entah kenapa untuk post kali ini aku nak guna bahasa ibunda kita..mungkin supaya lebih senang menceritakan segala yang terbuku dengan ketepatan yang paling maksimum..secara jujur hati ini serabut..keliru dengan pelbagai persoalan baru yang muncul..di mana harus mula..hmm..mulakan dengan kehidupanku yang baru bermula..aku katakan baru kerana aku diberikan peluang kedua..ini kehidupan baruku..belum sempurna kerana kini aku masih dalam kepompong..melalui perubahan demi perubahan..setiap yang berlaku disekelilingku menjadi agen atau catalyst untuk aku berubah..terlalu banyak yang berlaku..terkadang binggung aku mengendalikannya..ketiadaan tempat mengadu menyukarkan perjalanan kerana aku perlu tanggung sendiri..mungkin juga kerana aku yang memilih..hanya mahukan teman yang banyak mendengar, tidak bercakap dan cuba memahami aku yang begitu keanak-anakan. yang boleh terima aku yang sememangnya aku..sukar..kalau adapun kawan-kawan aku yang dahulu sudah di mana2 letaknya..sukar dihubungi..mungkin juga sibuk..aku je yang x..sedih mungkin kerana terasa ketinggalan..hmm..hidup sepi, masih mendidik hati untuk tidak cepat melatah, lagipun aku kan perlu banyak bersabar dengan senyuman yang jarang lekang dari wajah walau pelbagai tohmahan, fitnah, perlian yang diterima..xpelah, mmg salah aku pun, knapa aku nak lari..kini buntu..xtahu arah mana harus dituju..harapan mama ayah atau kemahuan diri berserta cita-cita , mina dan peluang..binggung! ustazah kata menurut kata mama ayah mungkin sukar pada mulanya namun jika ikhlas, kerana ALLAH dan mencari redha mma n ayah untuk dapat redha-NYA, insyaAllah berkat..keberkatan yang perlu dicari, berkat itu penting..duit sikit, tapi sentiasa cukup dan hati senang, hidup bahagia..itu pabila berkat hidupnya..duit banyak, xpernah cukup, hati xtenang, hidup celaru..itu tanpa berkat..aku yang membuat pilihan..mungkin kerana aku dibesarkan dalam environment berfikiran liberal atau terbuka..jika xminat kelak akan merana..tapi aku sering lupa kuasa tuhan, Dia mengetahui sesuatu yang kita tidak tahu, jadi untuk apa aku pening..untuk apa aku meragui sedang janji ALLAH itu pasti. ya, itu penyelesaian, mama ayah..

mama..secara lahiriah, apabila dilihat mama memang seorang yang cakap lepas, terkadang nampak ego dan agak melebihkan dunia, mengongkong, jumud bak kata orang sekarang, xberfikiran terbuka, suka berleter..pasti susah buat aku jika punya mama seperti mama tapi entah kenapa ALLAH memberikan mama kelebihan, naluri seorang ibu yang begitu kuat..mungkin kerana mama terlalu ikhlas dalam mendidik kami, xpernah mengharap apa2, sekadar mahu yang terbaik buat kami, kerana itu setiap kali kami membuat salah laku, mama pasti tahu, mama pasti dapat firasat sehingga sepertinya sukar untuk menipu mama..mungkin ada beberapa kali kesilapan kecil kami terlepas, bukan kerana mama xtahu tapi mama buat2 xtahu..malas nak bergaduh itu kata mama..mama melarang aku, kata mama, mama xsuka tengok anak mama terluka, mama tahu anak mama sakit, hati mama sakit tengok anak mama begini..tapi kenapa aku degil..aku tega lukakan hati mama sedang mama takut, paling takut anaknya sakit hanya kerana chenta..hah..aku yang bodoh mungkin..biarlah kalau khalayak mahu kata mamaku begini, mamaku begitu tapi ini mamaku, paling ikhlas menerima aku walau aku cuma ulat bulu yang banyak salah..sentiasa membantu menganyam benang2 membentuk kepompong agar aku bisa berubah..ya..aku perlu berubah..sekurang-kurangnya untuk mama..habis itu kenapa masih ada kegilaan itu? yang telah berlarutan selama 3 hari? kenapa? aku tahu salah aku..xmengapa esok yang terakhir..NOKTAH..

semua mencari..aku hilang..pelik kn? aku hilang rm100 dr bank simpanan nasional..au sedeyh sedang aku simpan duit itu bagi membeli hadiah buat seseorang yang penting bg aku..kini terpaksa aku simpan duit lagi..hadiah telah dibeli tapi masih berhutang..camane aku nak bayar? sedeyh..terpaksa korbankan wang saku yang sedikit..xmengapa..kalu untuk yang penting itu, xterasa beban..tapi aku hipokrit..kenapa aku tidak bersikap begitu pada mama, ayah, adik2ku? aku nekad, akan berubah..aku jahat..jahat pada orang yang sgt sayang aku..aku sgt pentingkan diri..tapi aku marah bila orang lain pentingkan diri..hipokrit kn? knapa aku letak yang penting itu lebih penting dari mama ayahku sedang aku xbegitu penting pada yang penting itu..sekali lagi aku kelihatan bodoh..haha..aku memang..patutnya bodoh jadi middle name aku..eyh xnaklah..nnt jadi doa..aku tarik balik la...aku janji, untuk mama ayah adik2 aku akan kumpul duit dengan usaha yang lebih lagi..aku kena betulkan hati aku..rombak kembali senarai priorities aku..ya! mesti...

aku tahu, penting untuk seorang anak lelaki mengutamakan kedua ibu bapanya kerana tanggungjawab xkn terlepas, itu yang diajarkan islam..aku sedar..tapi kenapa hati masih terkilan atas ucapan itu..masih berbekas lukanya..mungkin kerana hati aku tiada harganya..tidak perlu dijaga langsung..tapi aku bukan sesiapa..xhalal pun baginya..kenapa aku berharap? sekali lagi..aku bodoh..betul kata mama jangan berharap,aku yang akan terluka..tapi aku faham sikapnya, tujuannya, cuma mungkin aku yang bodoh ini xmhu menyesuaikan diri..xapalah..esok yang terakhir..aku perempuan..tapi kenapa begitu murah? aku bodoh..jawapan yang paling tepat! ini satu benang yang membentuk kepompongku agar aku ambil sebagai iktibar..aku hanya menjadi yang terpenting bagi kedua mama ayahku..aku perlu ingat itu...

inilah cerita aku..sebanarnya tidak menyentuh pasal chenta pown..saje jek letak sebagai tittle..supaya boleh tarik perhatian orang yang membaca..entah kenapa..cerita ini mungkin xpenting bagi kamu kerana aku ini bukan yang penting pada kamu..tapi cerita ini penting buat aku..ingatan pada kebodohan aku..supaya aku tidak lupa..

NEW MOON: book vs movie

honestly, among all four books in twilight saga by stephanie meyer, the one which got to be my least favourite was the second installment which is new moon just because it featured less edward and more jacob..i just hate jacob, how hot does he think he is? well, i know he was lyke supa dupa hot, being a werewolves who runs with temperature of one-oh-one but whatever, how can he posibbly think that he could outdo edward who was absurdly handsome, romantic, caring, overly protective..haaa...i juz love edward (note that, i imagine that edward was a very handsome, perfect guy you could ever imagine) and if i ever wanted to repeat reading that novel, i would just read parts of it escpecially the beginning and parts in the end starting from bella stops edward from going out in the sunlight at st marcus day coz it involves edward..basically that was my perception before...hmmm...

right now..after seeing the movie...

i have to admit jacob was so very much hotter than edward is..with boyish look, he captured my heart..i absolutely adore him and would be more than wanting to protect him because he looks cute and vulnerable and just completely adorable!!!! ok, no offense but i just dont think robert pattison suits edward personality..maybe i'm wrong, but he isnt that handsome..ok..thats my sincere thought..whomever think that RP is handsome..so be it, beauty in the eyes of beholder. but i honestly dont think RP suits to be edward...

the storyline...i prefered the book..the movie was slow paced and my brother fall aslept at the middle of the story..yeah, i watch this movie with my brother..and sister, but she was busy doing homework and messaging (using my new phone), so she doesnt count..

all in all, i hate the movie, i adore JACOB BLACK!!!