its raining

i'm feeling very down..i'm supposed to write bout something..pour my heart out..but i'm not really in the mood as what i thought already complicated getting more and more tangled leaving me completely wasted and tired..hmm..wish me a good night sleep so tomorrow i can be better..

you steal the glow from everyone else

now i cant properly see anyone

without having you in assisting

it would be unfair to see other personality in ur glow

yet theres nothing i could do

hmmmmmm.....

p/s: i've made my own breakfast today ^^

call?

its 0047 , im alone at home and i'm still not asleep..sitting in front of my acer aspire 4920 reliving the moment i made a new friend..anNa alanie..hehe..anyway, i am watching first wife club on ch 393 when my home phone rung...my first thought..is it my boyfriend? most unlikely cz i dont have one...but then i answered...yes, it was indeed my boyfriend..the one and only who had been faithful to me..thru ups and downs..who adore me with all his heart, calling to be sure i'm asleep..

kalau ayah balik, x tido lagi, ayah kacau sampai xboleh tidor sampai ke pagi..lab report 2 wat je esok

hehe...ao i need to really fast post this and shut everything off..i feel funny, cz usually we would get a wake up call..but me, i get a sleep call as well..haha...dats my boyfriend!! lamja chingu...saranghae~

today i swing, gazing to the sky, wishing i could be released from u..

i swing harder, hoping i am among the sky, still i'm hanging to the swing which is you..

i want to be free but what can i do?

should i just cut the rope that i'm hanging on so tight?

what if it bring me smack down to the earth..hurting even more..

its embarassing

really it is..why? try being me, a 19-year old girl..yet today's breakfast, ayah is the one who prepared it..huhu..yeah..i know..it should be me, but maybe ayah who already know about my lembab-ness doesnt want to waste time and take the cooking responbilities into his hand...so, to cover my embarassment, i try my best being effective in what i'm allowed and left to do which is cleaning up after ayah..hmm..but seriously. maybe because i'm so embarassed that my lembab-ness doesnt show at all..i did all the work effectively and efficiently and i'm proud of myself..haha..actually i need to get something straight..its not like i am lembab..its just i like to take my own sweet time doing stuff..is it really that bad? hmmphh...yeah, i guess..fine! i'll try to be more un-lembap..haha..thats alll i guess, better start doing my la report..till later..

chaotic

i'm all alone in my home, mom together with sis and bro are at selangor now...father has gone to work, so i'm all alone which is why i feel that my feelings are rather messed up and chaotic...why? i dont really have a definite answer for that...i've been trying to concentrate, repeating zikr to tranquil my ragging feeling, and it work, but sadly it doesnt last long...sometimes i do feel alone..so much alone...being a big sister is so much work...being hajar is such a burden....sometimes i want to be farah..back to old times..and if i'm being true to myself, there is a tiny bit of me wishing i could be ain...but reality check! i cant....what should i do to distract myself? goguma wont be out until this saturday, yet i need to wait for at least 2 days for it to be subbed, M3 also, its out yet none with eng subbed..so how?

new world. new classmate.

actually i'm in the middle of study week as next week my exams will be starting, but i'm so bored of studying (eventough i havent started anything on physics yet and physics paper is on this upcomic saturday, the day after tomorrow) thats why, i'm vandalizing my blog! getting rid of the dust that had been accumulating in here..i guess its not too late to introduce my classmates. its just i want to share a few pic of us..wawa..but the boys are not here..my class only have 4 boys..yeah, a bit boring! and honestly, theyre not yummy..haha..(dont tell anyone i said that!! i was joking..but still its the truth! *wink*)

and oh, from the last pic, i'm promoting a novel written by my teacher..puteraery, the reason i picked putrinia as my writing initials once upon a time ago..i kinda have a crush on him, back in time i was so childish..wawa..thats all..anyway, wish me luck..pray for my success..

pic of me, my two little dongseng from our trip

my fav photo of us..2 be honest, i've never once put any pic as a wallpaper in my z601i, i always go with the wallpaper provided by the theme i used, but this one is the first pic that is able to be the wallpaper of my z601i, cz i jz heart this pic! domo domo dom0 kiyowo!!!

shuha (baca: 2dung putih) dan rozan (baca: 2dung biru)

rozan byk sgt karenah..mmg nk kena nie!!!

3 gadis ayu..chiiwah!!

promote keindahan pntai tngkorak!!

mama n rozan..nmpak cm mother daughter x? (so jealous (T.T)

saye..show off topi baru eli..hik2

at last...

sorry for all,,,its been a long time since i last updated my blog...i was busy nursing my broken heart..haha..doesnt it sound emo? well it surely is..someone dear to me once said, u would never heal from a wound until u get pass ur ego and really admit how badly u were hurt by that wound and eventually try to get it over with..so up till now, this is the only time i had the courage to really admit it..yes! i was badly hurt. really2 bad. i cant even lie to myself that i was ok. yes, i do make myself busy so that i'm not bothered by it but somehow, my body still sense the tension i was feeling. that explains how i got real sick twice in two months time..father was really worried for me..but dont weri apa, i'm doing okay now. i hope so. how come i got the courage now, well actually it was from that time in a beach. i went there with mama, kosar and his friends, and also two of my closest friend or should i say "little sisters", rozan and shuha. i'm not used to have girlfriends, and i do know now why, but it seems fun and really comforting being in their presence. they were cute and really adorable. chincha2.. i wrote his name and how i felt about him on the sand, hoping the wave would wash them away, after wroting i waited for the wave to wash them away and praying if it would washed away and gone its a sign that i'm capable of forgetting him, so iwaited, and waited the wave did come but somehow it didnt touches his name.. it was like his name was invicible and permanently etched.. i still wait..i'm getting nervous and after waiting bout 20 minutes, the savior wave did came and wash him away..phew!! at last...goodbye, though i know t's still hard, he is still there untouched in my memory, still it was a releif to actually let him go, and can be happy for him and expecting that he get the best for him...so, now, i need to move on and try to adjust myself to my new world..alone as it is..Hey! i'm not really alone, i still have my ma and pa, my brothers and sisters and also my little dong seng..bot of them..i love all of u now! always and forever. lets just keep him as a memory. the sweetes memory of my teenage life..goodbye for now and thank you....saranghaeyo...

my first blood donation

ookayh, eventough it doesnt count much as a blood donation but still i insist that it is a blood donation. after being rejected from donating blood before, i never getting to know why? a long time ago, when i generously wanted to donate blood just to be rejected because i have a very low blood pressure. sometimes i cant stop from feeling amused as everytime i get a blood pressure test, the doctor or nurse operating the machine used to detect blood pressure; will look at me with a very obvious confused face and they would probably asked me.."Do u feel faint?" " uhmmm... NO, why?" " with this blood pressure of yours, u should be fainting" haha was all that i could managed as aresponse..but whats even funnier, i have never ever in my life faint before...but here i am walking around with a blood pressure which could on;ly mean i should collapse..and now i know why i cant donate blood.. for our latest bio experiment, we need to find out the appearance of rbc in hyper, iso or hypo -tonic solution.. we have 6 test tube, each test tube needed at least 3 drop. to get even one drop was so very hard, and i ended up getting all 6 of my fingers getting pricked only to have a drop for each test tube.. mind you my fingers was swollen right after that. despite having donated only about 6 drops of my blood, i am pale as sheet and for the first time in my life i feel faint..but thank god i didnt faint there and then..i can be counted as strong, cant i...haha..as the result, i have a high fever and major coughing wit loss of voice the next day..so much of being strong..i am getting weaker, for the past 2 month, this was the third time i'm having fever, how could a body grew weaker as time pass. i havent reached my twenties yet. how could my immune system be so low..maybe i need to eat more supplement! haha, like i could be consistent eating it...hmmm...lets not think about it just yet..shall we?

OK!!

new obsession...

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

JGS

hehe...shhh......

browsing through my phone today, i came across a message,

Jika timbul kesedaran untuk meninggalkan cinta seorang lelaki, itu bermakna Allah mahu mengambil kita kembali untuk dijaganya

this make me think of something. what if the love from a man decide to leave us, does that mean Allah is giving us a choice of turning back to him for comfort or another man. if i were to choose now, i would choose Allah since His love was so great that u wouldnt feel deprived even if u have to share it. but if its me from before do the deciding, i would no doubt turn to other man for comfort. what a complete fool i am before. but now i know whats in store for me, aftr leaving kms and i'm glad i'm becoming a better person. i am not exactly perfect yet. ther's still time i would prefer doing lagha stuff instead of zikrullah, my playlists are still full with song which has no whatsoever connection to praising Allah, but i'm still trying to change..and permanent changes need time, but most important of all doa' ask Allah to help on improving, being a much better person, InsyaAllah, He will help you. providing ways which will make it easier for u to change. i sincerely hope so. anyway this post does sound gloomy written by a heartbroken person but seriously, i am relieved. maybe by thinking of Allah it soothe your heart. plus i still have the love of other man, and its unconditional for me.. my father..

Terima Kasih Ya Allah kerana sudi menyayangi diri ini,

Terima Kasih Ya Allah kerana sering mendengar pengharapan serta pengaduanku,

terima kasih Ya Allah kerana sering bersama-sama denganku,

x kira apa keadaan imanku,

Sesungguhnya Ya Allah,

cintaku hanya milikMU...

ya rasullullah

would u ever understand?

(pic) credit to :

jeff thomas

azuzephre.net

maybe some wishes are'nt meant to be

i love?

blablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablabla

everyone around me,

gossipping,

commenting,

complaining,

advising,

arguing,

hmmmmm...what?

oh! who do i love?

blablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablablabla

they seem to know better,

ASK THEM!

*sigh* i'm better?

feeling better today?

i always do,

...after a major break down

the--he-he *giggle*

snot cry!

ugh! totally gross and ugly.

point is,

its okay to get gross n ugly at times,

when after that u would feel better, then, go on...

move FORWARD!!!!

:)

uh-oh *cough**cough* ("-.-)

wake up today feeling lyke crap,

swollen eyes and heartache,

immunity currently in lowest level,

a sign of me under stress,

TWICE in a MONTH,

fever again...

:(

*sniff* *cough*

p/s: to every mother-to-be, do breast feed ur baby, or u'll regret bout it later, when u cant bear seeing them falling sick so often..

PENGGODA CINTA YANG MALU… � Genta Rasa

PENGGODA CINTA YANG MALU… � Genta Rasa: "TELADAN CINTA KITA

Dia pahlawan yang dimuliakan wajahnya
Dia puteri dari zuriat yang mulia
Ali pewaris keberanian dan kebenaran
Fatimah titipan kesabaran dan kesucian
Persandingan itu…
di pelamin kemiskinan

Fatimah…
Puteri terpuji, isteri teruji,
Suami di medan jihad
Kau bermandi keringat
Jauh-jauh mencari air…di padang pasir
Di sengat sinar mentari
Sedikitpun tidak kau kesali
Untuk suami, kerana Ilahi

Ali…
Pahlawan unggul, ilmuan tersohor,
Syair setajam senjata
Gagah sekukuh kota
Kau kunci gedung nubuwwah
Kau fakir yang pemurah
Kau wira di sebalik selimut hijrah
Berkorban nyawa untuk Rasulullah

Ali & Fatimah…
Subuh itu mereka berdua bertemu Nabi
Lalu diluahkan ketandusan upaya
Betapa tenaga seakan tak mampu lagi
Untuk menanggung beban keluarga
Sudilah kiranya dihadiahkan seorang sahaya

Tersenyum Rasulullah mendengar rintihan
Lalu diberikan zikir sebagai gantian
Tiga kalimat sarat keberkatan
Subhannallah, Alhamdulillah, Alllah hu Akbar
Lalu esoknya mereka datang lagi…
Bersama satu kelapangan dan kekayaan hati
Cukuplah kami tak perlu apa-apa lagi!

Mereka miskin harta tapi kaya jiwa
Sering berpisah tapi tak gundah
Mereka bercinta kerana Allah

Indahnya mempelai di pelamin kemiskinan
Bila bersanding dua kemuliaan..
Seorang lelaki bergelar karamallahuwajjah,
seorang wanita yang az zahrah!"

-dari blog genta rasa karangan pahrol mohd juoi

Birthday its here again oh my gosh I’m finally 19

Yeah, as u all know I’m getting older. I’m nineteen, the last year of my teen life. I haave to really make new changes in me. For instance being more matured and do not depend on others so much like I used too. I also should be making decision using my head and not my heart. Well, I have to kill the girl that you recognize, every single one of you who know me from before. I’m not that charming little lady anymore (am I charming before? Okay its better left unanswered..hehe..) throughout my life, I have been experiencing a good share of happy birthdays, sad birthday but still every single birthdays I had none were clear to me until up to 3 years back. Well, I get a-get-many-present-birtday on my 16th birthday, an exciting mail-post-birthday on my 17th birthday, a well-celebrated-and-oh-too-many-birthday-treat on my 18th birthday, but none has really touches my heart like the celebration of my 19th birthday. Actually, it wasn’t a cool-superb-birthday or a romantic-sweet-birthday, it was a simple-kisses-on-cheek-and-lots-of-card-birthday. Celebrating my birthday at that house were simple yet leaving me feeling rather serene. on the eve of my birthday, accurately on maghrib time, all the kids were waiting for me at the surau, they closed my eyes and led me there. With my eyes closed they sang ALLAH SELAMATKAN KAK FARA for me. I was trying real hard to blink away the tears that had started pooling around my eyes. (what? I’m embarrassed okay, this kids have never seen me shed any tears, far worst bursting into endless snot cry, which would be real ugly..haha) and after that each one of them give me a kiss on cheek. Ookay, admit it that was real sweet, don’t ya think? I thought so too. My phones rung and it was kautsar asking me to send him to hospital since he had a back-ache. As a good sister I did send him to hospital that night. I received text messages from my parents wishing me birthdays, a phone call from my baby sister and she had undergone a series of spooky event because of that phone call, 3 text messages from my friends, and a series of birthday wishes in facebook. That’s it, well u cant say I have a well celebrated birthday but I’m happy. Anyway that night, I’ve found out at the hospital that I have some kind of renitis. Its an allergy, and drinking warm water would make the coughing worst cz it would encourage my lung to expel liquid which also was phlegm, I guess so. and it does came true, strike 12 that night I start coughing rather badly. Really2 cough and I cant sleep. It was disastorous. But when I thought ALLAH would be near the one who was sick, I felt weirdly comforted. And strange as it may seem I love it when I cough. And that’s when I get my first birthday present from aqila and birthday card from hasanah. Well most of the card I received were hand made and you could imagine how will the card looked like. Most of them were kids ranging from age 10 to 15. the cards were cute. Seriously. Downright honest and childish.Kak Wan said, the kids were start doing the cars the night before, right after I went to hospital. So sweet. But some were filled with advice that really affects me deeply. I’ll share with you some of the thought later at the end of this post. And oh, my ustazah’s wish was weird, “hajar, selamat pendek umur”. Luckily I know what it means, since I’ve read, Nota Hati Seorang Lelaki by Pahrol Mohd Juoi. Any way, that’s it about my birthday. I really do have a very happy-smappy birthday this year.

Buatmu mujahidah solehah - dgn kecantikanmu, kau lebih elok dari matahari; dgn akhlakmu, kau lebih wangi dari haruman; dgn rendah hati, kau lebih tinggi dari bulan; kau lebih halus dari rintik; maka pertahankanlah keindahan ini agar kau terus menjadi sayap kiri perjuangan islam,penegak kalam Allah di muka bumi.-kak wan